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ARIA
I clasped my hands together on my lap and twisted the sleeve of my long-sleeved top over my fingers. My heart hammered in my chest as I waited for Dr. Bay to come back inside the room. Today was the day I confessed everything. Today was the day all the lies would be smashed to pieces.
Cade sat next to me, his hand on my thigh, squeezing in reassurance. From the time I woke up three days ago in the hospital bed, he’d barely left my side. He was only allowed here during certain hours in the day, but he was here every second he could be.
My hands shook as I remembered my gaze landing on his when I’d woken up. I’d nearly ended it all. I’d nearly taken my own life just like he had. I’d been stupid, so stupid to act on impulse, and all it had done was make it clear that I needed the help I was getting.
And that it was time to come clean to the people who mattered most.
I stared down at Cade’s long fingers and his short nails, not daring to move my gaze off them as the door creaked open. I didn’t need to turn and look to see who it was. I didn’t know what I expected to feel, but it wasn’t the nervousness rolling through me. I’d seen my mom several times since I’d woken up, but the conversations had been stilted and fake. Now was the time to put a stop to it.
Mom’s red hair came into view as she sat on the sofa opposite me and Cade with Sal sitting beside her. Her lips quirked as she tried to smile at me, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. Did she think I was like my dad? Was she scared I’d do what he did?
Dr. Bay sat in the chair between the two sofas and cleared her throat. “Aria, I’ve explained to your mom and Sal what the purpose of today is for, but I’ll tell you again so we’re all on the same page.”
I glanced up at Dr. Bay and out of the windows directly behind her. When she’d first said I was being admitted into an inpatient facility, I was sure it’d be like in the movies with white hallways and nurses strapping people to their beds to force medication down their throats. But it was nothing like that. In fact, in here was the calmest and most at peace I’d felt outside of Cade’s home.
“Today is the first step in the road to rebuilding your relationships. The four people in this room are a family, and we need to remember—”
“He’s not my family,” Mom said, her lips lifting into a sneer as she narrowed her eyes on Cade. “He’s just someone who took—”
“Mom,” I ground out, already thinking this was a bad idea. Cade was it for me, and if she couldn’t accept him, then she couldn’t accept me. It was on the tip of my tongue to tell her that, but Dr. Bay held up her hand.
“Jan.” Dr. Bay paused and waited for Mom to look at her. “Cade has been there every step of the way during Aria’s journey. He has been a tremendous support, and while I can understand where you’re co
ming from, today is about making amends and being open and honest with each other. If you don’t have it in your heart to do that, then I suggest we leave today’s meeting until—”
“No,” Sal demanded, his hand covering Mom’s on her lap. He glanced at her, and she let out a breath. “We talked about this, Jan.”
His gruff voice had my shoulders relaxing, and it was the first time I understood that I needed all three of the people in this room. I’d pushed them all away at various stages, scared to admit I needed them, but I did. Dr. Bay had told me several times over the last couple of days to not keep things pushed down anymore, so I opened my mouth and told everyone, “I need you all.”
All their gazes swung my way, and I felt the heat spreading over my cheeks. “I’ve pushed you all away, but now it’s time I told you why.” I took a breath. “Mom, I know you don’t understand what Cade and I have, but it’s real.” His hand squeezed my thigh. “It wasn’t a sordid affair. It wasn’t him taking advantage of me. I love him more than anything. I need you to accept that because I need you both in my life.”
Mom’s gaze dropped to her lap, and her shoulders moved up and down rapidly. I knew she’d be upset, but there were worse things to come, I wondered if she realized that.
“Jan,” Dr. Bay said, leaning forward in her seat. “Do you understand that you need to accept Cade and Aria as a couple to be able to move forward?”
“I do,” Mom croaked out, and finally glanced up. “I just…” She sniffled, and I felt my chest constrict. “I’m jealous.” She blinked several times. “I’m jealous she went to him and not me.”
“She didn’t,” Cade said, his deep voice soothing the ache in my chest. “I found out by accident.”
“You did?” Mom asked, and Cade nodded. “I can see why you’re good for her. I just wish I could be good for her.”
“That’s why we’re here today,” Dr. Bay said, a small smile lifting on her face. “Today is the first step in that.” Dr. Bay glanced over at me. “Aria, why don’t you start with telling your mom how you’ve been feeling since the death of your dad?” She wasn’t mincing her words, and I was glad she’d jumped right in there because Mom and I were skirters. We skirted around the issue and pretended everything was okay, and I could see now how much we both needed this.
“I…I can’t explain it.” I placed my hand over Cade’s, needing more of his touch to center me. “I guess it goes back to the first time you caught me cutting.” Mom’s eyes filled with tears, but I continued, “I told you I wouldn’t do it again, and even though you saw the few other scars, you just believed me. You accepted my word and didn’t question it one bit.”
“I didn’t think I had to,” Mom said, her voice low. “I’ve never doubted you, honey. You’ve always been my rock. The one person I could depend on, but…” She bit down on her bottom lip, her shoulders shaking. “I can see what a huge mistake I made. You lost your childhood before your dad died, and afterward…after that you became the one person I didn’t have to worry about.”
“I didn’t want you to worry about me,” I told her as every muscle in my body begged me to walk across the light-yellow rug separating the two sofas.
“But that’s the problem,” Dr. Bay interrupted. “And that was why you didn’t confide in your mom.”
Mom and I stared at each other, so much pain showcased in each of our eyes. I was surprised we were still standing. I’d thought she was okay after what had happened with my dad, but I can now see that she’d been putting on a front, just like I had.
“I wish I’d have known, Ri,” Sal grunted, but I could hear the crack in his voice. “I’m sorry we didn’t notice. I’m sorry I didn’t…fuck.” He slapped his palm on his chest and cleared his throat, trying to hold himself together. “I love you like you’re my own daughter, Ri. And the thought of you living your life each day in so much pain. Fuck, it about breaks me.”
A lump built in my throat, one I wasn’t sure would ever dissipate. I’d caused this pain but…I hadn’t started it. This was the aftereffects from my dad, a decade after he’d taken his own life.
