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In the last four years, I hadn’t had anytime to myself and now suddenly I had too much time.
I’d been sitting at the kitchen table for ten minutes now watching the clock, I could have sworn it was slow. I’d even checked it twice in case it needed new batteries.
I slumped down in my chair, I had nothing to do and nobody to go and see. The only people that I spoke to were Eli, Max and Miss-.
I jumped up out of the chair. Why hadn’t I thought of that before?
Miss Maggie would keep me company.
I ran to the apartment door shoved my feet in my chucks and grabbed my keys. The door slammed shut behind me but I didn’t care, I had someone to speak to!
I raced down the hall, knocked on the door and then pushed it open.
“It’s only me, Miss Maggie!”
“Oh hi, dear,” she said when I rushed into the living room and planted a kiss on her cheek.
I was full of excitement, I never got to talk to Miss Maggie on her own. I always had to watch what I was saying because of little ears. But now I could say anything that I wanted, not that it would be much, all I had to talk about was Eli.
“Tea?” I asked.
“That would be lovely.”
My feet moved quickly, I willed the water to boil quicker, I couldn’t wait to talk to someone.
“How’s your day going, dear?” Miss Maggie shouted into the kitchen. I poured the water, then went back into the living room.
“I’m so bored,” I huffed.
“I bet.” She took the cup from my hand as I sat down. Henry hissed at me but I smiled wide at him, I was even glad to see a cat that hated me.
“I didn’t realize how much everything revolved around Eli.” I wrinkled my nose as I took a sip of the tea. “Now that he’s at preschool, I’ve got nothing to do.”
“What about that job?”
I shifted in my seat. How was I going to say that Max didn’t want me to work? That my place was at home? The more I thought about it the more I realized how old fashioned it was.
Sure, that choice suited some people; those who had other moms as friends that would meet up and let all their children play together. But we never had that, Max didn’t want us to be judged. I understood, as a teen mom I knew what people thought, it was written across their faces.
But now it was different, I was older and I needed to get out of that apartment, for my own sanity. Being shut inside on my own all day wasn’t good for me.
“Max doesn’t really want me to work, he’d rather I stayed at home.” Miss Maggie’s brow lifted as she studied me for several minutes. I shifted in my seat waiting for whatever she would say.
“And what do you want, dear?” It sounded so foreign, to be asked what I wanted. I didn’t have to think about it because I knew what I wanted, there was no question about it.
“I want to work,” I said with a firm nod.
I had thought that if I tried to talk to Max about it, and he said no, I would be able to put the thought out of my mind. But I couldn’t. If anything, it made me want it more.
I wanted to be around other people, I wanted to keep busy. I wanted more, more than what my life had become. I didn’t want to sit at home all day waiting for Eli and Max.
I hadn’t been able to throw the number away, the small piece of paper still sat safely in my pocket.
“You sound pretty sure.”
“I am.” I was.
I hadn’t been this sure about anything since I found out I was pregnant. Several people had given me options. Abortion. Adoption. But I knew from the time that I saw that plus sign that I wanted to keep my baby. I had made my decision before I’d even talked to Max. I never expected anything from him. I thought he would walk away, but when my dad kicked me out he was there for me. He made sure that I had somewhere safe to stay.
