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His eyes darkened, the swirls told me that I should have kept my mouth shut.
“And what do you want to do in this free time?” he said calmly.
This was where I needed to change the conversation, not say what I wanted to say. To divert his attention elsewhere. But my mouth moved before my brain could stop it.
“I was thinking.” I clutched my hands in my lap “Maybe I could get a job?” I rushed out.
He shoved another mouthful of pasta in his mouth chewing slowly all the while watching me.
“Your place is here.” The vein in his neck started to pulse.
“I know-”
“No you don’t fucking know!” I gasped, my eyes flying to Eli who was watching me with wide eyes.
“I’ve told you time and time again. Your. Place. Is. Here!” He slammed his fist on the table.
“Mama?” Eli whispered. I reached over and held his hand.
“To cook me dinner and clean this shithole!”
“Max,” I pleaded.
He stood, the chair slamming to the floor.
“Do you need to be reminded of your job here? Hmm?” he gritted out, his jaw clenched tight.
“No, Max.” I sat up straighter. “I…I’m sorry.”
He moved round the table, stopped next to my chair and stared at me. I flinched when his hand came up.
“You need to learn what is appropriate to say to me.” My eyes closed of their own accord, bracing for the pain that I was sure to feel.
He laughed, then muttered, “I’m out of here.”
I opened my eyes, stunned that I hadn’t been corrected.
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The air was thick, until we heard the front door slam shut. Eli stared at me but I didn’t know what I should say. Whether I should explain that I shouldn’t have said anything, that I knew it wouldn’t go down well but I couldn’t help myself. I needed to learn to control myself better. I’m way better than I used to be but I still had the odd slip up here and there.
“I’m sorry, sweetie.” I picked up my plate, stood and emptied it into the trash. I hadn’t eaten a single thing; I wouldn’t be able to until at least tomorrow. My stomach was all kinds of twisted.
“It’s okay, mama,” he said. I turned to see him eating and smiled.
I placed a kiss on his head and sat back down, listening when he started to talk about his new friend. He shouldn’t have known that I needed a distraction. But I was glad to have one.
It didn’t take him long to get back to the little boy that I knew so well.
Max didn’t come home until late that night. I half expected him to come in the bedroom, even if it was to correct me, but as I listened to him stumble into the living room it was obvious that he was wasted. His snores followed a couple of minutes later.
That’s when I allowed myself to relax slightly.
Chapter Three
Eli had been at preschool for a couple of days now and he loved it. Every day he would have a new story to tell me or another new friend that he had made. I looked forward to all the stories that he told me, I soaked everything in. It was amazing how much he had grown in just a few days. Being around other children was good for him, I just never realized how good it would be.
Me, on the other hand, I was lonely. I was bored. All I did was sit in the apartment and watch the hands on the clock tick by.
