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Rowan shrugged. “I don’t know why they’re poisonous, they just are. Believe me, plenty of starving Outlanders have wished it were otherwise, and have died because it isn’t.”
Lily looked away while Rowan pulled the rabbit’s skin off in one brisk tug, like he was peeling a tube sock off a foot.
“It doesn’t make sense. Gorilla meat isn’t poisonous, and snake meat isn’t poisonous, but Woven gorilla-snake meat is?” Something about it bothered Lily and she couldn’t let it go. “Nature doesn’t work like that,” she said, frustrated.
“They’re not from nature,” Rowan replied, raising an eyebrow. “Remember, they were made by witches.”
“They were made by witches to build cities and haul heavy loads, and basically play the role that machinery plays in my world. Why would they also be made to be poisonous? Why go through the trouble of engineering them to be poisonous for no good reason?” she argued. She accidentally glanced down at the skinned rabbit and covered her mouth, gagging.
Rowan stifled a laugh at her reaction and shrugged again. “I don’t know, Lily. Maybe there is a reason. We just don’t know what it is.”
While the rest of them shared what little rabbit there was, Rowan gave Lily a few olives from a jar he had brought in one of the packs. The salt in the brine restored her more than the food.
“Feel better?” Rowan asked. Lily nodded. “Good. We should stay here one more night to rest and leave early tomorrow morning. Can you contact Caleb and Tristan?” Rowan glanced quickly at the Tristan to his right. “I mean, my Tristan. The one from this world.”
“I’d have to leave the cave,” Lily said.
“Tomorrow. I don’t want you out there in the dark,” Rowan said. “I tried reaching them to find out where Alaric is while Breakfast and I were hunting, but they were too far for me to reach them.”
“You want to go straight to Alaric?”
“The sachem should know you’re back before anyone else does.” He gave her a wry smile. “You did claim several thousand of his braves. He’s going to want to know where you are.”
“I’ll try in the morning,” Lily said. She noticed that Tristan was frowning uncomfortably. “You okay?” she asked him.
“It’s just weird,” he replied. “The thought of meeting myself is just mind-blowing.”
“Yeah,” Lily agreed, looking down. “It changes everything.”
The thought of Lillian chased through her mind. Although Lily wanted to avoid dealing with it, she knew that Lillian’s latest memories had changed her.
Lily didn’t see this struggle between Alaric and Lillian as a battle between good and evil anymore. Lillian hanged hundreds, but Alaric was prepared to nuke millions. Alaric hadn’t actually perpetrated mass murder the way Lillian had, but he had considered it. There was no right answer anymore; no one Lily could follow without question, but she’d still have to choose between them soon. Now that she was back in this world, Alaric wouldn’t simply allow her to keep his army of braves and not use them. Eventually, he would ask her to fuel them in the fight against Lillian and the Thirteen Cities. Lily wondered how many thousands more would die, and for what reason? To stop Lillian, who was only fighting to stop a potential nuclear war? Lily looked over the fire at Rowan, patiently showing the group how to make a rabbit snare, and didn’t know what her answer to Alaric would be.
She couldn’t even discuss it with Rowan. His answer would be automatic, and his feelings of betrayal understandable. It was one thing to talk hypothetically about how the good of the many outweighed the good of the few, and quite another when one of those few is someone beloved. When Rowan thought of Lillian, he thought of his father hanging on the gallows.
The sun set, sucking the light from the sky. Night was darker and deeper here than in Lily’s world, and even stubborn Una had to give up on trying to make a snare when she couldn’t see her own fingers anymore. Everyone was too exhausted and too rattled to want to stay up late anyway.
“I’ll take first guard,” Rowan said. “Who wants second?”
“I’ll do it,” Tristan offered. “Wake me when you get sleepy.”
Lily curled up between Tristan and Una, sensing that Rowan had taken first guard because he was too anxious to sleep. Rowan was back in his deadly world with four people who had no survival skills, and Lily knew he felt that the enormous responsibility to keep them all alive was on him.
We’ll be okay, Rowan. We’ll find your tribe tomorrow and you won’t have to worry so much about us.
I’ll always be worried about you, Lily. It’s my curse. I don’t know if I’m going to end up dying tonight to protect you, or if I should strangle you now and save myself the trouble.
Lily stifled a laugh. She drove him crazy and she knew it. I hope you’re less grouchy when we find Caleb and Tristan.
Having them at my back will make me less jumpy. I’ll probably still be angry with you, though. He glanced over the fire at her and smiled regretfully. What are you doing back in my world?
Do you wish I wasn’t here?
I want to say yes, but I can’t. You’re not safe. Everyone here wants a piece of you, but I guess I’m even more selfish than they are. I don’t just want a piece, Lily. I want all of you. I want you with me wherever I go, even if that puts you in danger.
Wherever you are is where I’m safest and happiest, Rowan.
I haven’t thought about being happy in a while.
