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Tess: I am going to set fire to this screaming piece of plastic if someone doesn’t come get it right now.
Laura: I’ll come get the damn baby as soon as Hunter gets here for his shift.
Dean: Wait, Hunter? As in the kid you tried to beat up at the duck party?
Palmer: Did I miss a duck party?
Birdie: Who had a duck party without us?! I’m in charge of the schedule this week!
Dean: Oh, for fuck’s sake.
Laura: He means dick. DICK party.
Wren: WTF, Mom?!!! You tried to beat up a kid at my house?!
Tess: This pleases me. The baby can live. Tell me more.
Laura: I didn’t try to beat him up. I just lunged at him a little. It’s fine. I apologized, and everything is fine.
Dean: I’ll be there in ten minutes just to be sure. Text me what you want for lunch from The Barge, and I’ll put the order in now.
Bodhi: Anyone seen a screaming doll anywhere around the island? I seemed to have misplaced Shit Ass.
Palmer: You’re not in charge of naming your real kid, are you?
Tess: I’m going to tie this thing to you and light you both on fire.
Birdie: You really should have to get some kind of background check before being allowed to reproduce.
Dean: This Cricut is fascinating. Have you ever used one?
Laura: I thought you refused to learn how to use it.
Dean: I mean, I did. And then Shepherd made me a coffee mug that says “Fuck Off” with a line through the words, and then underneath that, it says “Hi.” How cute is that?! My God, the possibilities are endless with this thing. I could make decals for my bike, and shirts, and more coffee mugs, maybe even greeting cards. I’ve never bought a greeting card for anyone before, but I think I might be a card person now.
Laura: And I think you’ve officially spent too much time with Shepherd. You should probably borrow one of those dicks in the box I left you, since you seem to have misplaced yours *winky face emoji*
Dean: Ahhh yes, my monster cock that made you come so hard you forgot your own name. Have you remembered it yet?
Laura: *middle finger emoji*
Dean: I’ll take that as a no. See you when you get off of work, Laura. Say it with me, L-A-U-R-A.
Chapter 18
Laura
“Oh, that’s Puppy-Baby Syndrome.”
“Oh my God, this looks amazing! How did he even put this together so fast?” Karen asks, having just walked through the side door of my garage.
“I have absolutely no idea.”
I’m still in shock, and I’ve been standing here by the door since I walked through it from work. Just staring with my mouth dropped open at everything for the last fifteen minutes, while Dean and Shepherd finished hooking up the projector. My purse is still hanging on my shoulder, and my golf cart keys are still clutched in my hand.
The original plan was for Birdie and Palmer to set up a bunch of groupings of pillows and blankets out on the beach for each couple and put a small basket of snacks at each place, with a few coolers of drinks nestled in the sand for everyone to help themselves to. Birdie and Palmer’s simple, original plan has now been turned into something off a home movie theater Pinterest board.
In between helping Bodhi and Owen care for their fake babies all day, it looks like Dean worked his ass off making sure this night wouldn’t be ruined for Birdie and Palmer in the most epic way possible. He lined the walls with drapes of red velvet fabric and covered the ceiling with black fabric that has been decorated with strands of white Christmas lights. He attached the huge projector screen Birdie rented to the back of my closed garage door and borrowed a bunch of cushioned folding chairs from somewhere to intermingle with the sofas and loveseats I already had out here. He even moved the coffee table and end tables that went with the furniture into the house temporarily to get them out of the way.
