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bsp; “We are.”
She took a deep breath in. The whole conversation was laying heavy on her. Nate’s refusal to talk about the situation was making her feel so uncomfortable, yet she didn’t know quite how to word it.
“Maybe once Riley’s back we can talk about this. All of us. It’s not healthy to sweep it under the rug.”
As soon as she said the words she knew they were the wrong ones. The silence that followed was so loaded she could almost hear it screaming. She squeezed her eyes shut, wanting to hit herself with the damn phone she was talking into.
Stupid Ally. She never could say the right thing.
“I…” Nate trailed off, as though he was looking for the right words. Maybe she should have done the same. “Ally, I can’t do this right now,” he finally said, his voice low and thick like it was full of molasses.
“Do what?”
“Talk to you about this. I’m so tired and my head’s messed up and I need to be alone right now.”
Her breath stuttered. “What does that mean?” she asked him. “I don’t understand. Surely we need to talk about Riley and what to tell her about us?”
“I’m sorry, Ally, but there is no us. I can’t think about us right now. I took my eye off the ball. I spent too much time chasing you that I didn’t even see my daughter was spinning off the rails again. I need to just concentrate on her for a while.”
She gasped at the impact of his words. If he’d slapped her it couldn’t have hurt any worse. Tears stung at her eyes, heating her skin as they began to roll down her cheeks.
“Okay,” she whispered through the tears. Her chest began to ache, as though there was a huge weight pushing down on it, making it hard to breathe. “Okay,” she repeated, more to herself than to him.
“Ah, Ally.” He let out another sigh. She waited for him to say something else, but it didn’t come. Just his soft breaths, so more measured than her own. Her hands shook as she held the phone against her wet cheek.
“I need to go,” she said, trying to hide the wobble in her voice. “It’s late here, too.” And neither of them had slept for almost twenty-four hours. It was a shock either of them could speak at all.
She wasn’t going to beg. Not while she had some semblance of self respect left. It hurt like hell to have him speak to her like this, but she wasn’t going to let him know that.
“Ally,” he said again. And once again she waited, her teeth gritting together when she realized he wasn’t going to follow it up. That’s when the anger began to rise inside her, replacing the sadness and the indignation. This man had slept with her, he’d listened to her worst fears, confided some of his own. And yet right now he was treating her like a stranger. No, worse than that. He wouldn’t talk to a stranger the way he was talking to her, not without risking getting his face punched.
She looked around the large living room, taking in the beautiful walnut polished floor, the expensive furnishings, the original paintings that had been expertly chosen to complete the look. This wasn’t home. It was far from it – so far she couldn’t quite remember what she was doing here.
She took a deep breath and reached up with her free hand to wipe away the tears that were spilling down her face. “The superintendent of my apartment called earlier. The elevator’s finally fixed.” She didn’t wait for a response. “I’ll move out tomorrow morning,” she said, trying to keep her voice as mild as possible. “That way when you and Riley get home I won’t be here.”
“There’s no rush.”
Yes there was. If her whole body hurt now, it was going to hurt so much more when she saw them in the flesh. She didn’t trust herself not to break down in front of them, and there was no way she wanted to make this situation worse than it already was.
Nate had made it clear that Riley came first, and that was how it should be. And if the way he did it was cruel and unfeeling? Well, she was a big girl now. She could handle it.
“It’s fine. I’ll be gone by the time you’re back.”
“I can help you. Or call somebody…”
“No. I have friends. I’ll ask them for help.”
He was silent again. As though her last words had sunk in.
“I’m going to bed,” she told him, more than ready for this conversation to end. “Thanks for letting me stay. And good luck with Riley. She’s a good kid, try not to be too hard on her.” She licked her lips, tasting the salt of her tears. “Goodbye, Nate.”
She didn’t wait for him to reply. There was nothing he could say that would make her feel any better. Pulling the phone from her face she ended the call and leaned back on the sofa, closing her eyes.
She was alone again. Completely and utterly. But that was okay. She’d been alone before and survived it. This time she was going into it as a pro.
* * *
Shit.
