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Chapter Thirty-four
***Con***
It’dbeentwelvehours of silence. No one was speaking. Autumn’s phone was off. Zeke and Griff were each hiding out in their own spaces. Jenny had taken the kids, but before she left with them, they were each quieter than I’d ever seen them. The house was dead. There was no life in it without Autumn filling it.
I sat in the sand just outside of the house and stared out at the ocean without seeing it. I should’ve slept. I needed food and something to drink besides the whiskey from Griff’s liquor cabinet. It was all a waste on me, though.
A baby. A baby with Autumn. I couldn’t stop the thoughts that cratered through my brain like acid and left me nauseous. What if I could’ve provided her the care that could’ve saved the baby? What if the stress of having her heart broken and her job stolen had hurt the baby? Had I been responsible for the loss of life? The continued loss of life. Autumn was made to be a mother. She had so much heart. She brought color back to my life. The lives of my brothers, too.
I understood why she wouldn’t stop to listen and give us a chance. She’d done that before. Even after she found out I was a fucking disgraceful liar before, she’d given me one more chance. One more chance to meet her on the pier and have a life with her. I’d loved her then almost as much as I loved her sitting where I was, right in that moment.
That was the kicker. I had loved her so much it hurt when I’d left her on that pier and married Jenny. It had terrified me. Jenny was my friend, and the business arrangement with our families made sense. Jenny was easygoing and didn’t expect anything from me. Autumn was sugar and fire. She was fucking sweet but dangerous. I’d wanted to give up everything for her.
Instead of being strong and brave, I’d chosen easy.
I’d never regret Grace, but it hurt to know that she wasn’t my first child. I’d left Autumn to suffer alone, and I couldn’t help feeling like we were doing it again. I’d heard her sobs. She didn’t want to leave. Jenny had told me how devastated Autumn and the kids had been when she told them goodbye.
It was my fault that she couldn’t stop and listen to us. She couldn’t hear how much we cared about her because of what I’d done. My brothers were losing a woman they so very clearly loved because of me.
A few more hours passed without word from either Zeke or Griff and I knew that I was going to have to go to them. I had to hear whatever they had to say. Maybe hearing how much they hated me for ruining everything would ease up some of my own self-hatred.
I wasn’t surprised to find Griff in his office, nursing a bottle of whiskey. I was surprised to see Zeke stretched out on the couch, an identical bottle in his hand. They were together, mourning their loss. I closed the office door behind me and found two sets of bloodshot eyes glaring at me.
Holding up my hands, I sighed. “Just…let me talk. Let me apologize.”
Griff turned his chair away from me. “Con, I’m so fucking angry at you right now. You need to go.”
Zeke stumbled to his feet and jabbed his finger in my direction. “You asshole. How could you do that to her?”
I gritted my teeth. Hearing him say that was what I’d wanted, but it felt different once it was happening. “I was a stupid fucking kid. I was under pressure from Dad to make the marriage work so we could go in with Jenny’s family on that Crane deal. I could tell you a million reasons, but none of them matter. Not when the end result is still Autumn being hurt.”
“She doesn’t believe we care about her because of that shit you pulled. You just left her there? And you got her fired. That’s so fucked up.”
I watched his hands as he came closer to me, more than aware that Zeke would punch me in the face if he felt like it was the right thing to do. “I couldn’t have her close. You know Autumn. How was I supposed to give her up if she was anywhere near me? I didn’t mean for them to make her walk back to Montauk. I just wanted her away. So I could give her up.”
Griff growled and stood up. “She lost her fucking baby.”
“Our fucking baby! That would’ve been my daughter. Don’t fucking think that I don’t feel that loss as deep as possible.”
“Why didn’t you just tell us?” Griff tugged at his hair and then dragged both hands down his face. “We could’ve talked to her. We could’ve done damage control before the shit hit the fan.”
I forgot to watch Zeke, and I felt the repercussion of that as his fist connected with my face. I swore and grabbed at my definitely broken nose. “Fucking hell, Ezekiel!”
“I want her back.” He sank back onto the couch and covered his face with his shaking hands. “You need to fix this. You broke it and you need to fix it.”
I sat on the couch across from him and tipped my head back to stop the bleeding from my nose. “It’s not like this would’ve worked, anyway. What the fuck did we think we were doing? We can’t share one woman.”
Griff smacked the back of my head. “Lean forward and pinch your nose, asshole.”
“We were doing just fine. I liked sharing Autumn.” Zeke searched for his forgotten bottle of whiskey, all the while glaring at me. “I never had to worry about her. I knew that one of you was taking care of her if I was busy with work. I liked knowing that the three of us, together, were important to her. She cared for us, all of us. And you fucked that up.”
“Technically, you fucked that up. What the hell were you thinking, bringing that up?”
Griff grabbed the bridge of my nose and squeezed his fingers down it, bringing tears of pain to my eyes. “Zeke was an idiot, but I’m not sure that compares to what you did to her.”
I shouted as he twisted my nose. “What the fuck!”
“I helped. Now, you probably won’t need surgery.” He shrugged as he moved back to his neck. “I don’t know, though. That’s not my area of expertise.”
“Then maybe don’t fucking touch it!” I sat forward and tried to breathe through the pain. “You know what? I know that I fucked up. I came in here, hoping you two assholes would rip me a new one and maybe take away some of the hate I’m feeling for myself. Instead, you just broke my nose and tried to rip it off my face. Fuck the two of you.”
Griff rolled his eyes. “Don’t be so dramatic. It’s just your face.”
“What are we going to do? Just let her go?”
Zeke found his bottle and noticed that it was empty. Tossing it across the hardwood floors, he frowned when it didn’t break. “We’re not kidnappers.”
“So, what? You’re just giving up?”
“What are we supposed to do, Con?” Griff rubbed at his eyes. “She hates us. And I don’t blame her. We didn’t do anything good for her life. If Stacy does try to go public with this story, Autumn won’t come out of it unscathed.”
“Then stop her.”
“How? Give her the kids?” He glared at me as he slammed his fist down on his desk. “I can’t do that.”
I stood up and walked to the door. “Well, I’m not losing her again. I’ll figure something out. After I go to a fucking doctor who actually knows what he’s doing.”
