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She straightens her back, stiffening at my admission. A thick strand of her ebony hair whips across her face, hiding her eyes from me. She doesn’t move to swipe the hairs aside, and I force myself to keep my hands rooted in place, as challenging as it is. Minutes pass, the wind shifts and brushes the hair away. As desperate as she is to school her expressions, I read her like a book. Always have.
Curiosity. Speculation. Doubt. Fear. Elation. It is all written there in an ink only my eyes see.
I grab hold of the elation and press it close to my chest. Of all the emotions swirling in her eyes, it is the one that raises my hope for us. That we can find our way back to each other.
“But how?” Her question as wispy as the wind.
Cupping her left cheek, I brush my thumb over her plump lower lip. God, I want to kiss her again. But I must wait. Wait until she is certain that I am still what she wants. As much as it guts me to think of her with another guy, it isn’t right of me to assume she will come back to me as easily. I hurt her.
“Baby, I can live anywhere and do my job. With what you do, you have to know this.”
“But what about your life out there? Your parents? How can I ask you to leave everything you’ve built out there? It isn’t fair for me to do that.”
Her question about my parents strikes a chord in my chest. I’m not ready to update her on what has happened in that part of my life. Not until I know she is open to exploring us again. “You don’t need to worry about that. Since the day we set foot in California, my mom has heard nothing except my orchestrated plans to leave. And you may believe it isn?
?t fair for you to ask me to come back here. Back to you.” I reach forward and press my palm against her sternum. “But this is where I belong. This is where I have always belonged. You are all that matters. All that has ever mattered.”
She sucks in a breath as her eyes pool with unshed tears. In the shadowed night of the beach, everything is heightened and intensified. As if being in the darkness provides a blanket of security and you feel safe enough to expose your heart. There is something to be said about the darkness and its allure. Not just the darkness of night, but the yin in all things. That is what she is… my yin. The strong, feminine cosmic force who took hold of my heart and molded it with hers. Without her, I am a pointless yang. No balance, no life, no love.
Soft, thin fingers rest atop mine, encompassing my hand in the warmth of her skin. Below my palm, her heart beats wildly. Irrationally. While her heart tells me tales of excitement and joy, her eyes shed tears of insecurity and apprehension. Both of which I understand.
But a glint of something else resides there. Hope. A belief there is truth behind my words. That I am not just saying these things to taunt or mislead her. That there is an actual chance for us to rekindle something that never should have been diffused in the first place. A new opportunity to share the undeniable magnetism we have always had for each other. Hope for a new version of us. A better version.
“How?” The single word a question that rests heavy on her lips.
“I’ve been talking about moving back home for years. And now that my career has a better base, I can live anywhere. I don’t have to be in the thick of Hollywood for people to find me. It was different in the beginning. Being out there helped get my foot in the door. Got me in front of the right people. But now… now I can be wherever. Alyson deals with all the contractual and legal aspects. She lets me know when someone is interested in hiring me. Sure, me living out there makes life easier for her. But she can still be my agent no matter where I am. Technology allows people to be on opposite sides of the world and still work together.”
Beside me, Cora’s body softens and relaxes into my side once more. And it feels so fucking good to have her body pressed against mine. Her warmth and energy radiating into me. Soothing me. Revitalizing me. Like being home again. She rests her head on my shoulder and I rest mine on hers, closing my eyes and breathing in this moment.
Waves crash along the shoreline, cars rev and honk in the distance, wind whips our hair and I can’t tell where hers stops and mine begins. But neither of us moves. Both of us in a strange limbo of emotions and confessions. Our hearts thrown on the line, praying to not suffer the same pain as before. Promises exposed and hanging on the line as we breathe the same air for the first time in years.
But one truth holds absolute. I could sit with her on this beach for hours, not a soul around us, and feel nothing except bliss for the rest of my days. Everything about this moment is perfect. Everything about this moment is us.
Time evades us and I get lost in thoughts of what could be, causing me to almost miss when she speaks again.
“When?”
I am half tempted to tease her regarding the singular worded questions, but I bite my tongue. Now isn’t the time to tease and play.
“When the shoot ends, I’ll obviously need to go back. Alyson set up another shoot for me, but it should only be a day or two. And even though I don’t have to do it in person, I need to go talk with my mom. Tell her I plan to move back as soon as possible. She is the only person, besides Alyson, who needs to know.”
She lifts her head, stopping me. “What about your dad?” she asks, confused at why I only mentioned my mom.
I didn’t want tonight to be when I brought this to light, but it looks as though I will have to tell her now. I take a deep breath and hold her gaze. The only set of eyes to ever provide me solace. “My dad passed away a couple years ago. Heart attack.”
Instantly, her arms pull me into an embrace, lips at my ears softly whispering through light sobs. “Gavin, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.”
Instinctively, my arms curl around her frame and I bring her closer to me. Within seconds, her legs straddle my lap and lock together at my backside. Yin and Yang. She weeps for me and my family. And I allow myself this moment to be raw, shedding tears for a man who was my role model for so many years. A man I have grieved for and thought I would eventually find peace after his passing. Until now. Sharing this with Cora makes the loss of him more potent and noteworthy. More real and closer to my heart.
Part of me forgot my mom and I weren’t the only people to lose him. When Cora and I started dating, my parents became hers too. After so many years apart, it never dawned on me to let her know sooner of his passing. Especially since we hadn’t spoken for more than a decade.
When the tears quiet, she doesn’t remove herself from our embrace. As if she knows the power it holds. As if she isn’t ready to let it float off with the tide.
“Thank you,” I whisper into her hair, my hands stroking lazy trails up and down her back.
“For what?” she asks, head tucked in the crook of my neck.
“For saying the right words. And just being you. Everyone I’ve told says or shows me pity. Or walks on eggshells when we’re in the same room. As if I’m this fragile creature who will crumple. So, thank you. You’ve always known how to say just enough to convey the right thing.”
