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Chapter Seventeen
Tamsin
Blake shows up promptly when he said he would with a duffel bag packed and slung over one shoulder. He looks perfectly rugged and windswept in his form-fitting dark blue jeans and cream-colored cable sweater. His blue eyes hook onto mine with an intensity that makes my heart climb into my throat.
As we’re heading to the van, I get a text from Ven asking how everything’s going with Luciana. I type a quick response:
On the way to Edinburgh to use a better lab. Fingers crossed.
She responds instantly.
You’ve got this. Hope to see you both soon.
I certainly hope she’s right. Luciana is already loaded in the back of the van, so we wave farewell to Nessa and Ainsley and are on the road within five minutes of Blake’s arrival. There’s an uncomfortable silence as the van bumps down the long driveway leading through my land. I turn on the heater to take the chill out of the air. The weather is still abysmal, which makes me worried about the three-hour drive ahead of us. What earlier had been rain and lightning has turned to heavy snow that’s drifting down at a rapid rate.
I haven’t had time to process my feelings about what happened with Blake. I’d been drunk and then I’d been sober, and we’d argued and then… good God, then. I realize that ever since I left here all those years ago, I’ve suppressed my passion for pretty much everything but my career. It’s not as if I haven’t enjoyed myself with different partners over the years, but the past is absolutely incomparable to what just happened by the creek. Blake makes me realize what I’ve been missing all this time.
But does it really change things?
Mind-blowing sex is one thing, but that doesn’t mean we’re compatible in other ways. I have a life in New York. Blake has a life here. A place that still drives a stake in my heart around every corner. So many things remind me of what I lost. It’s a constant ache, every moment that I’m here. And surely Blake’s not interested in moving to Manhattan.
I should probably tap the brakes before he gets the wrong idea. Just to make sure he doesn’t think that one orgasm changes the trajectory of my life. I clear my throat and open my mouth to say…well, I’ll just have to wing it.
“Do you have a boyfriend back in New York?” Blake asks abruptly.
I close my mouth and my brow furrows. His question takes me completely off guard. “Do you think I’m a cheater? Really?”
His cheeks redden slightly, but he meets my eyes. “Well, we don’t really know each other all that well anymore, do we?”
“That’s true,” I say, “But I should hope you think better of me than that.” I take a breath to cool the flare of anger I feel. “There’s someone I’ve dated off and on for years, but we broke up.”
Blake nods and looks out the window.
“On that subject,” I continue, “We should probably clarify a couple things.”
Blake turns back and I can feel his gaze heavily on me again. It’s hard to concentrate on driving when eyes like that are burning into you. But the roads are slick and snow is drifting down, so I can’t let him distract me.
“I don’t want to give you the wrong impression,” I say slowly. “I cherish what we once had, but—”
“Once had?” Blake asks, a low growl in his voice.
“There are—strong feelings there,” I continue. “All those memories of our time together.”
If I’d thought his gaze was intense before, what he turns on me now is an arctic flare. “Are you trying to say it’s purely nostalgia between us?”
My throat goes a little dry. “I’m just trying to say that… I hope you realize I’m not going to give up my career and move back to Scotland. I don’t want to lead you on. Because of earlier.”
Blake is silent for a long stretch. Then he says, “I see.”
He says nothing after that, just sits there with his arms crossed over his chest, staring out the window. After a couple minutes, I realize he’s not going to say anything else.
“I guess I should have mentioned that before you came along with me,” I say. “I can turn around if you want.”
“You think I’m going to abandon you on a trip to try to cure your sister?” He looks mad for a second, but then he says, “I guess that serves me right for asking if you had a boyfriend.”
“I guess neither of us know each other anymore,” I say softly. “It’s an odd feeling… like we’re strangers but also so familiar.”
Blake doesn’t say anything for several long moments. Then he says, “I hate the idea that when you look at me, all you think of are the bad memories.”
