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Chapter Thirty-Three – Jess
I can’t tell you how long we spend in each other’s arms, but after weeks of not feeling Chris’s arms around me, it doesn’t feel quite enough. But there’s more I want to know about Chris’s life from before we were together.
“Can I ask you something? Don’t worry,” I tack on when I see the worry flash across his face. “It isn’t any of your top-secret stuff.” I wink.
Chris chuckles and my stomach trips. To think I almost had a life where I’d never be able to hear Chris laugh again. “Sure.”
“Will you tell me about Israel?”
Chris’s whole face lights up as he tells me about Israel. He laughs when he recounts his antics and how animated he gets. How he taught him to knit and how much he loved spending time at the boys’ home. And when he tells me what Israel went through, he needs to take a minute to clear his throat.
The words make me sick to my stomach. It isn’t a secret there are people out there who are the worst of the worst. I’ve seen my share of crime stories, but there’s a vast difference when you hear about things happening from behind a screen and hearing it from someone you love.
As Chris opens up to me, I feel a sliver of hope. He isn’t just here to tell me he’s going to try without putting the effort in. He’s showing me that he’s willing to do that. The fact that he told me his fears about having children and him opening up about Israel is proof of that. I’m so enraptured by the way Chris talks about Israel. Even when he tells me the tough stuff, it’s clear that he loves the kid and that he’s formed an extraordinary bond with him.
“You’d love him,” he states matter-of-factly.
“It sounds like I would. It must’ve been hard for you to leave him.”
Chris scrubs a hand over his closely cropped hair. “It was.”
“Are you going to see him again?”
He smiles. “I am. I plan on heading back there next week. I wanted to ask you something, but it’s a big ask, Jess.”
“What is it?”
“Would you come to South Africa with me and meet Israel? I know it’s a lot, and I know I haven’t proved to you that I’m going to do my damndest to make things work with you, but it would mean the world to me to introduce him to you.”
I feel my eyes welling up again, and my voice cracks. “I’d be so honored.”
Chris captures my face with his hands and kisses me on the lips. Moments before things get heated, he pulls back. “There’s one more thing. I’m going to resign from the Corps. I love my job and love serving my country, but I need to do more to help kids like Israel.”
My heart stops. Literally stops for what feels like the longest time as I listen to Chris talk. His job is his life. He lives and breathes the USMC. To hear him say he wants to resign is something I never thought would happen.
“Are you sure about this?”
“More sure than I’ve been about anything in my life other than how much I love you. Jess, when you see these kids, see what they’ve been through and how they’re fighting for a better life for themselves, you’ll know I have to do this. I’ve been speaking to Brandon from the boys’ home in South Africa about what it’s like to do the job he does day in and day out. The guys I went on the op with offered me a job. It would mean that sometimes I’d have to be away from you more than I am now, but Jess, I need to do this. But I need to know if you’re okay with it first before I do anything. I meant what I said about wanting you back in my life. But this time, it needs to be a partnership. All in or all out.”
I throw myself into his arms. “If this is what you want, I’m more than okay with it.”
“Are you sure?”
“More sure than I’ve been about anything in my life other than how much I love you,” I say, using his words and meaning every one of them just as much as I know he meant his.
I mash my lips against his again, but I’m not tentative or gentle. Weeks and weeks of pain and regret rush through me in this kiss. I know this isn’t going to be a Band-Aid that miraculously fixes everything, but I want it to work. I know it can work. And feeling the tough stuff is what we need to do that. Nothing worth it is ever easy.
“Can I ask you something? Well, something else.”
“Sure.” God, he’s smiling. Really smiling at me. How I missed that smirk.
“Just one more question, I promise.” My heart hammers as I reach into my T-shirt and pull out the engagement ring Chris gave me dangling from the necklace I’m wearing. “Will you marry me?”
Chris stops smiling, and my heart crashes to a halt. “What about kids?”
My heart starts thundering again. “Didn’t you say in the hospital that you’d changed your mind about kids?”
He nods and my heart rate slows down. “But how would you feel about adopting? I’m a long way from sorting out my shit, but how would you feel about adopting a kid with me?”
