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I nod as I wipe the tears from my eyes.
“I believe things happen for a reason. Look how many children were saved in Somalia because of you. Not one, not two, but thousands of children were saved from a life worse than hell. Had you not needed to get away, you wouldn’t have been in the right place at the right time. Chris, you’re killing yourself over what happened to that girl in Turkey, and I can understand why. But what about all the lives you saved in Somalia? You have to stop taking all these things onto your shoulders. What happened to Rubi wasn’t your fault and what happened to Skyla wasn’t your fault either.”
“You sound like Dylan.” I’m trying to make a joke, but my voice comes out in this weirdly strangled cry.
“I told you before, she’s a smart woman. I bet she would agree with me that what happened in Turkey wasn’t your fault either. But saving those kids was all you. And I’d bet my life on the fact that if your dad was here right now, he’d be hella proud of you. I know I am. And I know Dylan is too.”
The dam bursts, and I place my head in my hands, letting the tears rip from me. All the guilt and pain I’d been feeling for so long eases as every word Jess just spoke penetrates my heart. I don’t think I’ll ever get over what happened to Carys, but knowing I have her support and hearing that she thinks my dad would be proud takes what feels like ten tons of weight off my chest. She wraps her arms around me and lets me cry it out. When I’m done, I wipe my tears and look at her earnestly.
“I want you back in my life. I know it’s a big ask, and I don’t expect you to take me back, Jess. I just want you to know that you weren’t the reason I wasn’t opening up. That was all on me. I don’t know how to open up about how I feel about everything. I need to learn to talk about these things, and I swear I will let you in, but right now, I don’t know how.”
It’s her turn to cry now. “That’s all I want, Chris. A chance to be in your life. To share that life with you. We can work on opening up together.”
I reach over and tug Jess onto my lap and hold her.
I never want to let her go.
