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It was why I remembered being confused when she first brought Owen home. He looked at Riley the way most men did – with charm and lifted brows over her perky breasts pushed halfway out of her bra. But his eyes on her lasted only a moment. His attention was rapt when he was introduced to me, and it never really left. Not even after Mom confronted him about everything, packed her bags and moved us back to New York.
I could feel my eyes drifting elsewhere as I suddenly remembered the letters he wrote me. All the pages of his diary he’d sent in the mail. My throat went tight as I recalled every profession of love, every confession of wrongdoing in each handwritten note. I had skimmed through the first two that arrived just to make sure he wasn’t planning on coming to New York to find me. The rest that came went unopened and shoved into my drawer. They were disgusting, and they brought back memories I had worked tirelessly to bury.
Fuck.
I paused, remembering that every single one of those letters still existed. My heart almost stopped when I realized they still sat in the old apartment I once shared with Ethan.
“Hey.” Riley snapped her fingers in front of my eyes. “Yes. Hello, Sasha. Welcome back to Earth.”
“I – sorry.”
“What are you daydreaming about? Is it this guy right here?” Riley held up a color headshot of an impossibly pretty man with shoulder length blonde hair and a perfectly trimmed beard. “From Amarillo, Texas! A real life cowboy!” she said in a horrific Southern accent. “No city experience but his abs have abs, so that’s always a plus.”
I gave it some thought and laughed. “He would be a hit with the girls who come in. Go for it.”
He
r eyebrows shot up. “Wow, seriously? You’re not going to fight me on how he’s never bartended in New York? Not that I’m complaining but did you fall on your head or something?”
I blinked. “No.” I just figure we’ll need another main attraction for if Liam and I ever come out as a couple. Riley narrowed her eyes at me but then she nodded slowly and smirked.
“Oh, I see what’s happening here.”
“I somewhat doubt you are.”
“Oh, I do. You’re getting the itch again.”
“Sorry?”
“It’s been two months since Ethan and you need some penis back in your life,” Riley giggled, putting the Texan in her “yes” pile. “So it’s decided – he’s in. It’ll be healthy for us to look at him.”
“Only look?” I teased.
“Hey, you’re not allowed to get that cowboy dick if I’m not.”
“Oh, really. You’re married!”
“Marriage doesn’t always mean forever.”
“Riles.” I shot her a look over the joke that Travis hated. She made it far too liberally, and often times in front of him.
“Fine, fine. I’m sorry,” Riley rolled her eyes, tossing a couple headshots of girls into the “no” pile before sighing. “But he hasn’t…” She paused and lowered her voice. “He hasn’t fucked me in almost six months, you know.”
My eyes went wide. “Travis?”
“Yes,” Riley answered impatiently. I could see her eyes flicking about as she debated whether she wanted to get into it. She decided she did. “Like… it sounds horrible, but doesn’t he know that he married out of his league? He should be jumping on me every chance he gets, but he barely wants to look at me. Ever. He says I nag him like I’m his mom. Or he tells me he’s working late but then I get a text from his friends asking why I’m not joining them at the bar. Like, seriously? And he doesn’t even blink an eye about that. About how he lies to me and makes me cry. He doesn’t even care.”
My frown deepened fast. I rarely saw Riley and Travis being affectionate anymore, but I hadn’t expected a dead bedroom or failing marriage. “I’m so sorry. Riley, why didn’t you tell me?”
She went quiet for a bit, sorting aimlessly through the resumes. When her voice came back, it was smaller than I’d ever heard it. “Because it’s embarrassing,” she said, avoiding my eyes. “It makes me feel unwanted. And unloved.”
My chest ached at those words. “Riley, no. Of course you’d feel this way but you should know that you’re not either of those things. You are so wanted and so loved.”
“Thank you.” She gave a silly pout the way she did when she was trying to hide her true pain. My heart twisted as I reached for her hand.
“You can always tell me when you’re feeling this way, Riley. Because it’s not true and if you fester in these dark thoughts by yourself, you’ll end up really believing it,” I said, knowing all too well. “So please. Please just talk to me next time.”
“I’m talking to you now,” Riley said, looking up at me. There was shame in her eyes as she shrugged. “Honestly, I feel really alone lately. I used to tell you everything but your mind is somewhere else lately, and that’s okay, you have a life of your own. You’re getting over a breakup. But I can’t tell Mom either because her mind is everywhere during the holidays, which is stupid. Like, does it really take a whole month to plan Thanksgiving dinner?” Riley laughed, dabbing at the corners of her eyes. “Can you really not take a minute to talk to your daughter who’s clearly calling for a reason?”
