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But right now, he looked like a broken angel. Still so strikingly beautiful, but more human, somehow, through his moment of fear.
“What if this is just my life, now?” he asked softly, his eyes searching my face. “What if they never find him? We never find out who he is? Or we do find him, and another guy just takes his place? Or, even when he’s gone and I’m supposed to be fine, I keep having nights like this forever, fucking drowning in my own nightmares and panic attacks and—and—”
I moved before I let myself think about it.
I leaned in, pressing my lips to his, quieting his freakout spiral. He became a little more rigid in my arms for a split second, surprised by the kiss, but then he melted against me, relaxing more than he had all night.
“Theo.” I kept my voice low and authoritative as I pulled away, because I knew that was what he needed to hear right now. He needed strength. Assurance. Someone to tell him the truth, that everything was going to be okay. “I won’t let that happen. We are going to find him. You will be safe. And I can promise you that your life won’t be like this forever.”
My heart was slamming in my chest. And I couldn’t really believe what I’d just done.
He leaned forward, his forehead resting against mine. Our faces were so close. In any other situation, this moment would have had me freaking the hell out, nervous and overly excited to be so close to another man. But right now, I knew I had to be there for him. And that sense of purpose blew any hesitations right out of the water.
“I have to ask you a question, and you can say no,” he whispered.
“Anything,” I said.
“Can you please sleep in here? With me?”
My heart lurched.
It was like he’d just asked me if I wanted a million dollars. It was almost embarrassing how happy it made me that he’d asked that question, even though I was well aware that it shouldn’t. Not if I was trying to be a perfectly professional bodyguard.
But right now, I was pretty sure there was nothing in the world I wouldn’t do for Theo.
“You don’t have to,” he said quickly after I paused. “I probably shouldn’t have asked—”
“Yes,” I said. “I will sleep in here with you.”
“Are you sure?”
“You bet your ass I’m sure,” I said. I was already reaching down to move the covers aside and slipping under next to him. Under the sheets it was warm and inviting.
Paradise. I knew I wasn’t supposed to admit that I was looking forward to every moment in bed with him tonight.
Theo let out a long sigh and got back in under the covers, too. The rain still fell in a steady rhythm on the roof and window pane, and the thunder was a far-off rumble. He finally seemed like he was starting to calm down, and I thanked the stars above for it, because I was pretty sure he had been well on his way to a full-blown panic attack. But now he had moved to the opposite side of the bed, his back facing me. He was huddled on the edge, leaving as much space as humanly possible between us, like he was afraid to get too close.
“Good night, Roman,” he murmured. “And again, I am so sorry for asking for… all of this. I know I’m a complete fucking mess.”
He still thought I was doing this as a favor. He was scared for his life and he was still apologizing to me, even though he was practically making my dreams come true.
“Come here,” I whispered, shifting over in bed and scooping him up in my arms.
“You don’t have to do this.”
He groaned as he turned over, finally coming over and lying down on the top of my chest.
“I need you to know that I want to be here,” I managed to say. “Okay? I would do this, whether I was your bodyguard or not.”
“Are you sure?” he asked, his voice low. “It just… seems like you want to avoid being close to me, sometimes.”
My heart felt like it was lodged somewhere at the base of my throat. Could he tell? Could he really sense that I was so damn afraid?
“Sometimes it’s hard for me to trust that someone would actually want to be close to me,” I said, every word making my skin a little hotter. I didn’t know why it felt so embarrassing to admit, but it did.
“What?” Theo said, shifting a little to look up at me in the dim light of the room. “There’s no way you haven’t been with plenty of people.”
I let out a sigh. “Okay, fine. Men. I can tell you right now, I never have a moment’s hesitation when women want to be close to me. But I had a particularly bad experience with my best friend, back in the day.”
