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His nostrils flared slightly. “Twelve years.”
My breath caught and my heart skipped a beat. “Why are you here, Tate? In my building? In my life?”
“I told you, I didn’t know you lived here.”
“Would you have moved in anyway if you had?”
“I don’t know.”
“You made a bad decision,” I concluded.
“Moving here?”
“That’s one of them, but not the most egregious.”
His gaze dropped to my feet. “I acknowledge the fact I made a lot of mistakes in my life, Roe. But I would like to fix as many as I can.”
“I’m not sure that’s possible,” I murmured.
He wasn’t only talking about leaving me or about marrying Dahlia. One mistake had obviously snowballed into more.
Not unlike telling lies. You tell one, then you need to tell another. And another. Until you either forget what was the truth or the original lie.
Tate made one mistake, then the next until it spun out of control. And he had no way to rein it in until everything in his life imploded.
Our relationship.
His marriage.
Maybe even his career. I hadn’t asked and right now I wasn’t sure if I even cared.
It was best if I didn’t. I didn’t want to make that mistake again. Caring about someone who could so easily destroy me.
I had given him everything. He turned around and left me with nothing.
I bit back the questions I had about him being on Grindr. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to know that, either. And even if I did, the answers might only infuriate me more.
At this point in time, while on this roof, I only planned on focusing on the here and now. On what was in front of me. On who was on his knees. Waiting and willing.
I still had a tight grip on his bearded chin. “What are you waiting for?”
“I was waiting for you.”
“I’m here. Now what are you waiting for?”
Something I couldn’t identify slid behind his eyes. “For you…”
I tilted my head. “For me to what?”
“Whatever you want, Roe. If you want to continue to punish me for what I did to you, I’ll accept that. If you want to move on from that and give me pleasure instead, I’ll accept that, too. Again, I know I made plenty of mistakes and I’m willing to pay for them.” He shook his head slightly, not enough to break my hold. “I have paid for them. I continue to pay for them. And if this will fix what’s broken between us,” he paused and his chest slowly rose as he filled his lungs, “then I’m willing to do whatever it takes.”
I released his chin and stared down at him. “Whatever it takes,” I echoed in a murmur.
His face tipped up a little higher and his eyes now held a boldness that had been missing since the first time I saw him in the vestibule. “Whatever it takes.”
I wanted to scream in his face, “Why? Why now? Is it only because you happened to move into the building I own? Would you be making an effort to fix things if you hadn’t?”
I swallowed all that rage back down and let it simmer in my gut. Because I knew the answer. Hearing it from Tate himself would only fuel that fire and I wouldn’t give him that chance to fix what he broke between us.
And I wanted him to. I did. But I just wasn’t ready for it. Not yet.
Especially after finding him on the app earlier.
“Tonight you’re simply a Grindr hookup. Nothing more.”
He closed his eyes and licked his lips. “Right. Nothing more.”
I dragged my thumb along his bottom lip, his warm breath rushing over my fingers. “Let me tell you something that has changed since we were college kids. I used to bottom for you. I no longer do that for anyone.” I tucked the tip of my thumb into his mouth and opened it wider. “I also no longer get on my knees for anyone.” I dipped my head down even further and whispered, “Not even for you.”
“I understand.”
I shook my head. “No. I don’t think you do. But you will.”
“I can’t apologize enough—”
I cut him off. “I don’t want to hear your apologies, Harris. I don’t want to hear you at all. There’s a reason you’re on your knees right now and it’s not to beg for forgiveness.”
He nodded. “I understand.”
“Good. Then you know what to do.” I removed my thumb from his mouth and waited.
His swim trunks were tented and I was just as hard as he was.
I was fighting what I really wanted to do… Yank him to his feet, kiss him long and hard and take him downstairs to my bed so we could rediscover each other all over again.
So we could start over and do it right this time.
But I was still too pissed to let myself have that or to even give that to him. I was too bitter to give him any softness or leeway.
