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“Yeah. She cooled off quickly. We talked through her concerns and she wants to try the Ibogaine if you think it’d help.”
“Wow, she actually trusts my opinion on something?”
“Let’s not get carried away. I pushed it. The near miss with the shrimp and then your comment about swimming convinced me we need to do something. I’ll feel better after going over the finer points with you, but yeah, she agreed. She’s been having some weird dreams. Reactions to things that don’t make sense, so she thinks they might be triggered memories. It’s freaking her out. We both want to plan a trip ASAP. She’ll need a fake passport to get into South America.”
Theadora Gale was still considered deceased, to give Agent Coleman time to determine who could be trusted at the Bureau. Besides, if Thea used her own credentials it would make her an easy target for the woman who’d come after her back in Colorado, Seraphina Westin. Too big a risk in my opinion. “It’s illegal in the States, but I bet Aziza could arrange for her to do it on Marakata.”
Shit. I realized my mistake the second the words left my mouth. It didn’t take much longer for Nik.
“Why didn’t you do it there?”
I had a few motives. For one, didn’t seem logical or fair to try to resolve my hang-ups from past relationships while simultaneously attempting to get another off the ground. And while I’d wanted to keep my issues under wraps until I knew how the therapy worked, I’d also secretly hoped my disappearing act might get Aziza off the island to give chase. At the time, I hadn’t quite understood just how hard it had been for her to even hold her heart out to me.
But there was only one motive Nik would understand. “Same reason we didn’t report every injury or talk about concussions when we were deployed. I’m not ready to be sidelined.”
I’d come up in the Teams when TBI wasn’t even on the radar. Nik hadn’t been far behind. Not sure it would’ve changed things considering we took self-diagnoses to the extreme, often performing medical procedures on one another. Hell, some of my biggest scars looked more like I’d been sewn together with jute twine.
Nik slowed the throttle until the boat stopped. I relaunched the sonar off the back of the tender. As we slowly started trolling again, Nik eyed me with concern. “What are your symptoms?”
“Dude, you put that penlight in my eyes, I swear I’ll snap your wrist off.”
“You can’t exactly slap some mud on your brain and move on this time. Besides, if we’re diving deep together, I need to have your six. What are your symptoms?”
Nik had left the door ajar, keeping the option of diving with me open. I decided to be forthcoming, to an extent. “Aural migraines, mostly. Headaches that come on sharp and fast. I’ve passed out a couple of times.”
“Coop, this doesn’t sound like something you should ignore and override.”
I grimaced at the familiar mantra that had gotten me through many a deployment. But I also realized I needed to confront and overcome this time around.
“I’ve got an appointment already set up. Trust me, I’m taking this seriously. I just need to do it my way.”
“You and Thea both,” he muttered. He had to drop his concerned stare in order to angle the bow of the boat into a round of heavy waves. It didn’t distract him long. “What happened before you passed out each time?”
“First couple of times was on a job in Europe about six months ago. Each time was after I’d gotten up out of a dead sleep. Chalked it up to sleeping pills and standing up too fast. Once was after puking up the Ibogaine. Last one was after an RPG shot me out of a tree. Guessing the noise and exertion played a role there.”
“That’s more than a couple. Want to tell me about the RPG one?”
“There’s not much to tell.”
“Not-much-to-tell stories usually end up being the best ones around a campfire in about three years.”
Three years.A sliver of a lifetime I didn’t have.
“Leo’s right,” Nik conceded. “I don’t think you should be diving.”
“This isn’t up for negotiation, Steele. The job needs to get done. I need to make it out. Will you watch my back or not?”
“Why? Why is this job so important? If it’s the money—”
“It’s not.” The money was integral. I wasn’t going to ask Aziza or OZ or whoever the fuck for a loan or a handout. And since the Alvarez hit job had been a bust, the clinic would still need money in order to get everything they needed. I had no other means of making that kind of cash, certainly not quickly. But the job, the money, the procedure, the ticking time clock were all driven by the same ‘why’. “I need more time with Zee.”
Nik scoffed, “All the shit you gave me and look atyou. A couple weeks ago I’d have told you love’s not worth losing your life. But now, with Thea, I get it. Your life isn’t worth much if you lose the one you love. I gotta say though, I’ve been your best man enough times—shit, how many has it been? Four?”
I clamped my teeth together, expecting a nice ball-bashing about how many other women I’ve claimed to be in love with and how those relationships had ended in heartache. “Three.”
“Are you sure? I remember two brunettes, the blonde, and a redhead.”
“Am I sure?” I cocked a brow. “If I didn’t remember the marriages, I certainly remember the divorces. Of which, there were three—Sarah, Becca, and Lauren. Katia and I never got to the altar, so the second brunette doesn’t count.”
“Oh, Katia fucking counts!” Nik whooped. “I had to learn a poem in Russian and go with you on your honeymoon, where you told everyone I was your better half.”
“I wanted the free champagne and chocolate strawberries. And you loved the couple’s massage and the private beach dinner. Get to the point.”
“The point is, I’ve been your best man three times and your better half once. I know you loved—and still love—them all. You’ve never been heartless. Where was I going with this shit?”
“Who the fuck knows? Can we just get back to the yacht?”
“That’s right, I remember now… I’ve seen you in love more than a few times, but this is, legit, the first time I’ve ever seen you look at a woman like she’s your only source of oxygen.”
I wasn’t going to deny it. Zee was my air, my food, my water, my shelter. But she was also something much more. She was my ‘why’ I desperately needed to survive this brain tumor.
