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Chapter Fifteen
I got aboutzero sleep that night. I couldn’t stop thinking about the look on Esme’s face when I told her. All I wanted to do was get in my car and go to her dad’s house and beg her to talk to me. I’d composed at least a hundred different text messages to her in my head, and I’d even written out and deleted a dozen of them.
In the end, there was nothing I could say that would make it better. I’d done a shitty thing. She’d asked for time to process, and I was going to give it to her.
There was nothing to do for me except wait, and hope, and sit in my misery.
* * *
“The ball is in her court,”Linley said, when I went to confess what I’d told Esme the night before.
“I know. I just… I just wish there was something I could do. Some way to take it back,” I said.
Linley had pushed a plate of chocolate chip oatmeal cookies at me, but I couldn’t eat any of them. Things were really bad if I couldn’t stomach Linley’s cookies.
“I’d give her another day and maybe send a check-in text,” she said, washing her hands of flour in the sink. I’d come after the bakery was closed so I hadn’t had to see anyone. I’d worked from home today, too.
Couldn’t deal with seeing too many people. I didn’t want anyone to see the shame that was written all over my face. I couldn’t even tell Em.
“I’m sorry,” Linley said, giving me a hug. She didn’t need to tell me I’d been an ass because I knew. She didn’t need to say “I told you so” because I knew.
“Enough about me and my fuckups, how is your handsome pangolin carver?” Linley tried to hide a smile, but she couldn’t.
“He’s wonderful. I know we were planning on having dinner this weekend, but I can put it off,” she said.
“No, it’s fine. It’ll take my mind off things. Hopefully I’ll be less wallowy by then.”
“I’ll take you even if you’re wallowy,” she said.
I took a shuddering breath and felt myself start to cry again. “I have a feeling that I’m going to be wallowy for a while, if that’s okay.”
Linley handed me a paper towel. “You really liked her, I could tell. It was all over your face.”
“I’m falling in love with her,” I whispered. “I can’t handle having my heart broken again.” I didn’t think I’d survive it. My heart had already been so damn fragile. Could it break permanently? I didn’t want to know the answer.
* * *
I sentEsme a text that night as I sat in my car in the driveway after getting back from seeing Linley. I knew I should have waited, but I couldn’t stand the silence.
I’m so sorry. I just needed you to know that.
There was no answer, so I went inside to make myself something to eat. I’d barely had anything all day, and even though I was still completely wrecked about Esme, I had to eat something. Luckily, I had a few frozen meals stashed for such occasions and I pulled out a chicken and rice dinner to shove in the microwave. While it was cooking, I opened a package I’d received: a wooden puzzle in the shape of an anatomical heart. I’d gotten it for Esme. Looking at it made me feel sick, so I shoved it under the couch.
Potato would not stop following me around and crying, even though he’d been fed, his litter was clean, and there was nothing else wrong.
“Are you looking for your friend? Do you miss Stormy?” I asked, leaning down to pet him.
“I miss her, and her owner too.” A single tear fell on Potato’s fur, and I wiped it away.
A rumbling sound made me look up as the microwaved dinged, announcing that my food was ready.
Ignoring the food, I ran to the door.
Esme’s truck was in my driveway. It was still light enough out that I could see her sitting in the driver’s seat, as if she was deciding what to do next.
I waited.
She took a breath and got out of the truck. Stormy wasn’t with her.
