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“Racoons are industrious animals,” Aunt Given says with great flair. “They work hard to feed their raccoon families, even if it’s simply other animals’ trash.”
“What’s the breeding outcome look like between humans and raccoons?” I ask and plug my phone to charge. “Will my babies with West come out super-hot but with little black masks on their faces?”
“Laugh all you want.”
Snickering, Zelda tells her mother, “We already are.”
“Alexis was a hit at Penny’s,” Aunt Given says, and I give a little seated curtsy. “To entertain their children, people are willing to overlook the substandard pizza. That’s a big deal since Pam’s food is so much better.”
“Is it, though?” Juno asks, eating leftovers from my first lunch with West. “Tastes like pizza to me.”
Aunt Given sighs. “Penny is terrible.”
“True, she is her mother’s daughter,” Zelda replies. “Just a gaggle of pizza ninnies.”
Feeling the conversation spinning into pointless directions, I say, “I don’t know what any of this has to do with me.”
“You’re dating a Mercer. Poppy is your enemy.”
“But it’s only temporary.”
Aunt Given shakes her head. “Oh, she’ll never like you.”
“No, I mean, West and I are temporary. What’s he going to do, marry me?”
The four of us laugh at the thought. Then, Juno chokes on her pizza and nearly dies. That’s when shit gets real!
“You said West wanted to make you his wife,” Zelda points out after her sister survives the pizza close call. “Also, he talked about having a house shipped in from a faraway place like Texas or Ohio.”
“That’s just noise. See, West’s feeding a fantasy that I’m the redhead of his dreams,” I explain and stand up when my butt goes numb on the hard floor. “But why would he ever marry anyone when he can have all the women?”
“Very true,” Zelda replies.
“What if he falls in love with you?” Juno asks, and we laugh again. Zelda remains undaunted by our chuckles. “I’m serious. Men fall in love with women, sometimes. West is very interested in you. What if he doesn’t realize he could sleep with all the women and decides to only sleep with you?”
“Or maybe he’s run out of women,” Zelda continues, seeming to be onto something. “West realizes he needs to either move to a new town filled with untapped pussies or settle down. Then, you waltz into his life, and he chooses to remain with his family.”
“Waltz,” Aunt Given says, shaking her head at her daughter’s wording. “But it’s possible that a man as arrogant as West Mercer could think he has the right to marry anyone he wants.”
“Even a raccoon,” I mumble, and my cousins grin.
Aunt Given isn’t as impressed. “Poppy is a cruel bitch.”
“Do you know this information for certain, or is it just what you’ve heard?”
“Well, I only moved here recently, too. I don’t know if I’ve actually encountered Poppy. Is she memorable?”
Juno shrugs. “I don’t know.”
“No one does,” I say cryptically and wink at my aunt. “You worry too much. Can’t I simply start my new career, enjoy my cozy living accommodations, and ride my handsome suitor’s massive dick? Why must anything be more complicated?”
“Young one, your heart will insist on bringing complications into the situation.”
“I feel nothing,” I say and spin around dramatically. “I’m a coldblooded predator taking advantage of a rich boy with a bad case of rutiluphilia.”
“Rooty, what?” Aunt Given mutters.
“It’s the fetish of redheads.”
“Oh, well, that would make sense. There aren’t many redheads in Tumbling Rock. No wonder he’s so interested in you.”
Waving around my hair, I shake my ass to a beat of a song no one but me can hear. I probably look insane. That’s good. The Toomey family respects weirdos.
The Mercers might take a different stance on my behavior. Poppy could attack me with a broom, thinking I’ll steal her son like my people steal food from garbage cans. Aunt Given’s panic might be fully realized. Then, I’ll lose my new career and a solid start in Tumbling Rock.
But in this potentially life-destroying future, I’ve lost my cherry to West’s likely fabulously handsome dick. So, the world is not, in fact, ending.
