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“It’s nothing.”
“Your tears are never nothing to me.” I trace down her still damp cheek, noting the red rims. “Tell me.”
“Not here.” She avoids looking at me.
Fighting not to appear deflated, I speculate, “You regret last night.” I wonder if I’ll ever enjoy sex with her and not have her flee in regret the next morning before I banish the thought.
“This is moving a little fast, isn’t it?”
“Not for me.” A magnetic appeal inches me closer. “It feels as if I’ve waited a lifetime for you to appear without even knowing I was waiting for you.”
Her breath catches, and she glances away. The breeze carries off her quiet sniff. “This morning…” Her voice is thick and clogged. “This morning, my phone sent me a memory of a collection of photos. I bought this phone as a fresh start two years ago, but I guess somehow a photo of Eric snuck through. I wasn’t expecting to see it.”
Especially not after sleeping in my arms.The unspoken part falls from her silent lips. The ache I feel for her loss threatens my ability to remain in my place. I want nothing more than to sweep her in my arms and hold her for eternity. “What do you need me to do?”
“It’ll pass,” she murmurs, keeping her voice low, I assume for Ophelia. “It’s simply a reminder, like when I think of his birthdate or our anniversary. The pain isn’t as fresh now. Still hurts, but I know I’ll survive.”
“Do you regret last night?”
Her dark eyes hold me captive. “I regret nothing with you, Dane. I just need more time.”
“I’m not going anywhere.” I hold my hands out to the sides. The truth is, I’m no longer certain what a future looks like without her. Not just as a co-parent. Despite my idle threat, I’d never remove Ophelia from her mother. I’d drop to my goddamned knees, kiss the ground she walks on, and beg her to stay, but I could never tear them apart. My own happiness goes long before either one of theirs.
But when I look at Caiti, I see meadows of fragrant flowers and quiet fishing on a sluggish stream. I picture more kisses under stoplights at twilight and walking Ophelia to the bus at sunrise. Slow mornings of lazy love-making followed by raspberry pancakes for family breakfasts. And at night, when the house is quiet, I dream of worshipping her delectable body and making her come.
The option to walk away evaporated the minute she showed up at my door with our toddler and pressed herself into my body for reassurance. We still have a lot to learn about one another, but she’s everything I never knew I was missing wrapped in a pretty, sexy bow.
The rest is up to her. Because no matter how badly I want her, how much I crave the promise our future holds, I can never compete with the memory of her dead husband.
“It’s okay to miss him.” I fill the silence. “It’s okay to miss him even while falling in love with me.”
“I don’t know how to fall in love anymore.”
“That’s how it happens. Little by little until you realize you’re already halfway there. Then the rest is easy.”
“You sound as if you speak from experience.”
I capture her chin between my index finger and thumb, not permitting her to dodge my expression when I confirm. “I do.”
She briefly nods but flits her attention away. I give her the temporary space. “They seem to be hitting it off,” she remarks.
“It won’t always be this easy. There will be many days Ma won’t remember Ophelia or you. Heck, some days, she doesn’t even remember me. And she can get upset.”
“I understand. My grandma had a form of Dementia, so I’m a little familiar. Though I’m sure it’s worse for you, being that she’s your mom.”
I run a hand over my hair. “She has early onset. I was only twenty when she started to notice the signs and saw her doctor. She actually ran her own therapy practice in the loft before I lived there. I moved in when we decided this was the safest place for her. It made me feel closer to her on the days I couldn’t visit for long.”
Her gentle touch seeps into my bicep. “I’m so sorry.”
“This is part of why I didn’t want kids,” I confess. “It runs in families, and the thought of burdening a wife or a child when I’m no longer with it…” Fuck. Just speaking the fear into existence sends a spike of apprehension through me. What am I doing? Maybe I shouldn’t be perusing her. Their distance might be the best thing for all of us. Except it’s too late where my heart is concerned.
“You don’t know that this will happen to you.”
“You’re right. And I don’t think I have a choice anymore.” I watch Ophelia babbling happily to Ma, who wears a matching smile. “It’s not a strong enough reason to let you two go.”
