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"Nine hundrit," Mike says.
"How bout lettin him wear a bathin suit instead of that dunce cap an diapers?" says Jenny.
"They loved it," Mike says. "It's part of his appeal."
"How would you like to have to dress up in somethin like that?" Dan says.
"I ain't a idiot," says Mike.
"You shut the fuck up bout that," Dan say.
Well, Mike was good for his word. Nex time I rassled, it was against a feller called "The Human Fly." He was dressed up in somethin with a big pointed snout like a fly have, an a mask with big ole bugged-out eyes. I got to thow him bout the ring an finally set on his head an I collected my nine hundrit dollars. Furthermore, everbody in the crowd cheered wildly an kep hollerin, "We want The Dunce! We want The Dunce!" It wadn't such a bad deal.
Nex, I got to rassle The Fairy, an they even let me bust his wand over his head. After that, they was a hole bunch of guys I come up against, an Dan an me had managed to save up about five thousan dollars for the srimp bidness. But also let me say this: I was gettin very popular with the crowds. Women was writin me letters an they even begun to sell dunce caps like mine as souvenirs. Sometimes I'd go into the ring an they would be fifty or a hundrit people settin there in the audience wearin dunce caps, all clappin an cheerin an callin out my name. Kinda made me feel good, you know?
Meantime, me an Jenny is gettin along fairly good cept for my rasslin career. Ever night when she get back to the apartment we cook ourselfs some supper an her an me an Dan set aroun in the livin room an plan bout how we gonna start the srimp bidness. The way we figger it, we is gonna go down to Bayou La Batre, where po ole Bubba come from, an get us some marsh land off the Gulf of Mexico someplace. We has got to buy us some mesh wire an nets an a little rowboat an somethin to feed the srimp wile they growin, an they will be other things too. Dan say we has also got to be able to have us a place to live an buy groceries an stuff wile we wait for our first profits an also have some way to git them to the market. All tole, he figgers it is gonna take bout five thousan dollars to set everthing up for the first year - after that, we will be on our own.
The problem I got now is with Jenny. She say we already got the five thousan an so why don't we jus go ahead an pack up an go down there? Well, she have a point there, but to be perfectly truthful, I jus ain't quite ready to leave.
You see, it ain't really been since we played them Nebraska corn shucker jackoffs at the Orange Bowl that I has really felt like I done accomplished somethin. Maybe for a little bit durin the ping-pong games in Red China, but that lasted just for a few weeks. But now, you see, ever Saturday night ever week, I am goin out there an hearin them cheer. An they is cheerin me-idiot or not.
You should of heard them cheer when I whupped The Grosse Pointe Grinder, who come into the ring with hundrit dollar bills glued to his body. An then they was "Awesome Al from Amarillo," that I done put a Boston Crab hold on an won mysef the Eastern Division champeenship belt. After that, I got to rassle Juno the Giant, who weighed four hundrit pounds an dressed in a leopard skin an carried a papier-mache club.
But one day when Jenny come home from work she say, "Forrest, you an me has got to have a talk."
We went outside an took a walk near a little creek an Jenny foun a place to set down, an then she say, "Forrest, I think this rasslin business is gone far enough."
"What you mean?" I axed, even though I kind of knew.
"I mean we have got nearly ten thousan dollars now, which is more than twice what Dan says we need to start the srimp business. And I am beginnin to wonder jus why you are continuin to go up there ever Saturday night an make a fool of yoursef."
"I ain't makin no fool of mysef," I says, "I has got my fans to think of. I am a very popular person. Cain't jus up an leave like that."
"Bullshit," Jenny say. "What you callin a 'fan,' an what you mean by 'popular'? Them people is a bunch of screwballs to be payin money to watch all that shit. Bunch of grown men gettin up there in they jockstraps an pretendin to hurt each other. An whoever heard of people callin theyselfs 'The Vegetable,' or 'The Turd,' an such as that - an you, callin yoursef 'The Dunce'!"
"What's wrong with that?" I axed.
"Well how do you think it makes me feel, the feller I'm in love with bein known far an wide as 'The Dunce,' an makin a spectacle of hissef ever week - an on television, too!"
"We get extra money for the television," I says.
"Screw the extra money," Jenny says. "We don't need no extra money!"
"Whoever heard of nobody didn't need any extra money?" I say.
"We don't need it that bad," Jenny say. "I mean, what I want is to find a little quiet place for us to be in an for you to get a respectable job, like the srimp business - for us to get us a little house maybe an have a garden an maybe a dog or somethin - maybe even kids. I done had my share of fame with The Cracked Eggs, an it didn't get me nowhere. I wadn't happy. I'm damned near thirty-five years old. I want to settle down...."
"Look," I says, "it seem to me that I oughta be the one what say if I quit or not. I ain't gonna do this forever - jus till it is the right time."
"Well I ain't gonna wait aroun forever, neither," Jenny say, but I didn't believe she meant it.
Chapter Twenty
I had a couple of matches after that an won both of them, naturally, an then Mike call Dan an me in his office one day an says, "Look here, this week you are gonna rassle The Professor."
"Who is that?" Dan axed.
"He comes from California," says Mike, "an is pretty hot stuff out there. He is runner up to the Western Division champion."
"Okay by me," I say.
"But there is just one other thing," say Mike. "This time, Forrest, you got to lose."
"Lose?" I says.
"Lose," say Mike. "Look, you been winnin ever week for months an months. Don't you see you got to lose ever once in a wile to keep up your popularity?"
"How you figger that?"
"Simple. People like a underdog. Makes you look better the nex time."
"I don't like it," I say.
"How much you payin?" Dan axed.
"Two thousan."
"I don't like it," I says again.
"Two thousan's a lot of money," Dan say.
"I still don't like it," I says.
But I took the deal.
Jenny is been actin sort of peculiar lately, but I put it down to nerves or somethin. Then one day she come home an say, "Forrest, I'm at the end of my rope. Please don't go out there an do this."
"I got to," I says. "Anyhow, I is gonna lose."
"Lose?" she say. I splain it to her jus like Mike splain it to me, an she say, "Awe shit, Forrest, this is too much."
"It's my life," I says - whatever that meant.
Anyway, a day or so later, Dan come back from someplace an says him an me got to have a talk.
"Forrest, I think I got the solution to our problems."
I axed what it was.
"I think," says Dan, "we better be bailin out of this business pretty soon. I know Jenny don't like it, an if we are gonna start our srimp thing, we best be on bout it. But," he say, "I think I got a way to bail out an clean up at the same time."
"How's that?" I axed.
"I been talkin to a feller downtown. He runs a bookie operation an the word is out you gonna lose to The Professor this Saturday."
"So?" I says.
"So what if you win?"
"Win?"
"Kick his ass."
"I get in trouble with Mike," I says.
"Screw Mike," Dan say. "Look, here's the deal. Spose we take the ten thousan we got an bet it on you to win? Two-to-one odds. Then you kick his ass an we got twenty grand."
"But I'll be in all sorts of trouble," I says.
"We take the twenty grand an blow this town," Dan say. "You know what we can do with twenty grand? We can start one hell of a srimp business an have a pile left over for ourselves. I'm thinkin maybe it's time to get out of this rasslin stuff anyway."
Well, I'm thinkin Dan is the manager, an also that Jenny has said I gotta get out of rasslin too, an twenty grand ain't a bad deal.
"What you think?" Dan says.
