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Before, I wanted to come for the sake of coming. If it was by myself, I didn’t care. I focused only on my pleasure, which I know is selfish. Now, I understand the feeling of needing to orgasm with someone. With Brody.
I want it. I want that connection. What is it like when two bodies become one and get lost in each other’s pleasure? I rub between my legs, but the ache won’t end. My eyes sting. I just want the ache to end. Or explode. Or pulse in waves throughout my limbs and make fireworks shimmer behind my eyes. Or whatever happens when you orgasm.
I pull my hand from my pants and curl into a ball on the floor. He’s the only man I’ve ever wanted to kiss. The only man I want to orgasm with. After what just happened, pleasant new feelings bubble in my chest, and the idea of faking it with Brody makes me sick. The other guys were just guys. Bodies. When I knew I wasn’t going to orgasm, I faked it so I could leave.
Now I’m plagued with strange desires and cravings. Pretending with Brody would hurt my heart. He’s been too kind. He lets me stay in his house and makes sure I’m comfortable. He never complains about anything I do, even when I dance around all day or watch too much porn. He respects my space, never cusses at me or grimaces, and he never tells me my existence is a waste.
The way he hugs me makes the world a better place.
If he finds out I’m broken—a woman who can’t come and isn’t allowed to be an adult—he’ll realize I’m not worth his time.
I don’t know how much longer I can stay here, how much longer Amber can hide the truth. I already know that man is searching for me. He’s greedy. He wants my income and someone to clean the house and release his anger on. Mom was at least generous with my allowance. He takes all of it.
Brody will lose interest when he finds out my secrets. I should go home now and get it over with.
I force myself to stand so I can pace. No. I can’t give up. Not yet. I can’t fall into despair. I’m so close to my goal. He was so close to giving in. If I’m comfortable with Brody and want us to orgasm together, even kiss, then I need to stop worrying. The next opportunity I get, I’ll have sex with him, and I will orgasm. I have to. I can’t imagine liking another man as much as I like Brody, so my body must respond in the way it’s supposed to.
Besides, he called me a sex goddess, which makes me feel all warm and mushy inside. Sex goddesses always climax.
Chapter Nine
Paige
I TWIRL A LOCK OF Amber’s blonde hair around the curling iron, careful not to burn my fingers. She likes when I help with the back of her head. She says the curls always look better than when she does it.
“I see you’re into braids now,” she says, pointing at my reflection in the bathroom mirror.
I grin. I can’t believe I’ve gone so many years without this magical styling technique. I don’t have to worry about brushing, which I detest. I shower. Braid my hair. Done. Even if it’s sloppy, it looks good. The next day I can release the braid for soft, sexy beach waves. I think that’s what those are called.
I finish Amber’s curls and set the iron down. Then I hug the back of her shoulders, clinging. I don’t want Amber to drink, but if she’s going to, I’d rather it’s with me than with unsafe people.
She pats my hand and then stains her lips with red lipstick. “When have you ever gotten drunk?”
“Oh, joy.” She laughs, and then her face turns serious. “But I can’t. Really, you’ll be fine. Troy is here, so you won’t be alone.”
I sit on the closed toilet seat. I’d rather be alone. I don’t want Troy here. Brody is letting him stay another week, and all he does is bring Candy over—secretly—every chance he gets. I hate being around all their rough sex. At first, it made me unsettled and nervous. Now it’s just pissing me off. Brody’s house is a sanctuary and they’re invading it.
Whoops. Shouldn’t have said that. I try to cover my mistake by adding,
I bite my inner cheek. Geez, what am I babbling?
Amber narrows an eye at me. “Okay, but Troy is hot. I’m surprised you haven’t tried to get with him.” She leans closer to the mirror to inspect her liner. Her words are flat as she concentrates on the makeup. “I bet he knows how to make a woman come.”
I grab her arm. Nothing feels right when he and Candy are here. My insides get all twisted and it’s hard to relax. I tried putting on headphones and reading a book last time but couldn’t focus. I can feel them in the house.
Amber’s gaze softens. “Are you worried he might hurt you?”
I lower my phone to hug my waist. I just hate the rough sex. If they were loving and sweet to each other, it wouldn’t get under my skin so much. Would Amber stay if I told her?
She shoves her makeup products to the back of the sink and straightens. “Well, I’ve talked to him a little, and he’s not a dangerous guy if you’re worried. I don’t think he’ll bother you. He knows Brody will beat his ass if he does. You’ll be fine. I promise. I won’t be out all night. Stay in your room if you don’t want to interact. I bet he’ll leave soon, anyway.”
Her gaze drops as she chews on her bottom lip. “Stop worrying. I won’t do anything risky because I promised to help you, remember? I’m getting my shit together so we can hire a lawyer. Tonight is a great opportunity for you to finally pick one. Wouldn’t you like to live with me permanently? I want that. We’ll be single spinsters together.”
I sigh. If talking about lawyers and legal crap will get Amber to stay, I’ll do it.
