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“No, Paige. I’m going out. Look at the ones I sent because I know you haven’t. Then we’ll make calls on Monday.”
Why is she being so cruel? It’s like a woman I barely recognize, who is focused only on partying, took my caring friend away. I hate this side of her.
“No, stop. You won’t like it. Lots of noise. A new place. Crowded. I don’t want you to see me wasted because it’s not pretty. There will also be tons of people smoking. You had a bad trip last time you smoked, and you shouldn’t be around those kinds of people.”
Her body caves in on itself. She hugs her stomach like her guts are spilling out. “I need to. There’s too much going on. I’ve got too much on my mind, and I need to go have fun and relax and stop thinking. God, I hate thinking.”
“I can’t. I need to be around a crowd. I like the chaos. The vibe. I want to make out with random guys and get fucked up.”
She drops her arms with a huff, her words like notes pounded on a piano. “No. Don’t you get it? I can’t have fun with you there. I won’t relax and have a good time if I have to worry about you all night.”
Worry about me. Because I’m a buzz kill. There it is. Me being a burden. I stand abruptly and push past her into the hallway.
She follows. “Wait,” she says. “I didn’t mean it like that. I’m sorry.”
I stop in my bedroom doorway.
“That’s not what I’m saying, Paige. You’ll be uncomfortable and get stressed out. I won’t do that to you.”
I turn my back to her.
“Don’t. Please. He’ll only get pissy and yell at me and find out where I am and drag me home like I’m five. Promise me you won’t tell him.” When I don’t turn around, she moves so she can face me. “I swear I’m only going to drink and party. Smoke a little, but nothing else. Please don’t tell him. I need this. Paige, I’m begging you.” Her face is too sad and full of pain that she won’t share with me. Best friends are supposed to share everything, not build walls.
I want to ask her to stay again, but she won’t. Nothing I do will stop her. Not even telling Brody. My shoulders drop in defeat.
She opens her arms until I move forward into the hug. “I will. I promise. And I’m sorry for what I said. I love spending time with you. You know that. Just stay in your room if you don’t like Troy, and I’ll be back before you know it.”
I pull away and she moves to her room to finish getting ready. When the ride share arrives, she leaves.
Tonight must be party night because Brody is also gone. He didn’t come home after work, only went straight to happy hour with his friends. Amber is getting wasted. Brody is blowing off steam—that’s what he told Amber—and Troy and Candy will have their own fuckfest soon enough.
Then there’s me. Doing nothing. Stuck in a house with people I don’t like. Amber thinks I should just spend the evening alone in my room, but I’ve spent too much of my life locked behind a door.
Screw this. I can go out, too. I’ll order my own ride share, go downtown and wander the streets until I find a dance club. I’ll stay out until two in the morning dancing and ‘vibing’ with strangers. Right now, I’m free to do anything I want. Free to be a normal, flirty young woman who goes out, lives life, and doesn’t care what anyone thinks. I’ll even fuck ten guys while I’m at it. Probably at the same time. A night of carnal fun and fucking, gang bang style.
I stomp to Amber’s closet and find the sluttiest dress I can—a skin-tight blue dress that perks up my boobs and barely covers my ass. I skip the makeup and order a cab, stuffing some money into one of Amber’s small purses and slinging the strap over my shoulder. When the cab arrives, I ignore the flu that’s creeping under my skin and hop in the car, waving to the driver who smells like Doritos.
Here I go, doing normal twenty-something things on a Friday night, open to whatever adventure comes my way.
Here I go.
Brody
SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH ME. I need a therapist because the connections in my brain are completely fried. I’m finally out at the club with the guys, sitting next to the stage and staring up at Lotus. She looks amazing, but all I can think is: Sure, her tits are bigger, and the doctor did a good job, but they’re nothing compared to Paige’s. Natural and perky.
I hang my head. I brought this misery on myself. It’s my punishment for giving into my sex-brain. As soon as Paige walked into my room a few days ago, I should’ve stuffed my dick in my pants and told her to leave. But nope. I’m weak.
Damn, she was sexy. Asking to watch. I came so hard, like it had been months. Years.
“Dude,” Miguel says beside me, trying to talk over the thumping music. “Oh, man.”
I lower my gaze to Lotus’ sequin red heels because there’s no point in looking anywhere else. I’m sunk. I’m a man with tunnel vision for one and only one woman. A woman I can’t have.
