Page 39 of Nonverbal


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“Dude,” Miguel says louder.

I turn my head with a sigh. “What?”

He tries unsuccessfully to suppress a grin. “You’re in trouble.”

“What are you talking about?” For a second I think Amber is here, but why would she care if I’m at a strip club? I glance at a hypnotized man behind me who’s drooling as a redhead shakes her ass in his face. God, did I used to look like that?

Miguel points at half-naked Lotus on stage. She glows pink and purple from the neon lights. “You’re not even interested.”

“I’m not in the mood. Not a big deal.”

“Yeah, what’s the reason you’re not in the mood? Did you have that talk with Paige?”

“Something came up.”

Miguel laughs. “Your dick?”

“We didn’t get a chance to talk,” I growl as I cross my arms. “Not a big deal.”

“Dude, why are you here? You’re clearly into her. You should go home and have your talk. Maybe if you open up, she can help you with Amber. You said she’s Amber’s best friend, right?”

“I don’t know if I want to open up.”

Miguel sucks in air through his bared teeth and then sticks a one in Lotus’ g-string. “That’s tough, man. You know me, I’m an open book. I don’t get your issue, but you should figure out what you want.”

“Yeah.” Can’t argue with that. What the hell do I want? Everything in my life was familiar and comfortable until Paige showed up and flipped it upside down.

After our ‘incident’, I did what I always do and distanced myself like a dick. I avoided her these past two days. Worked late. Left early in the morning before she woke up. She texted around noon today to ask what I want for dinner. I ignored her and fled to the club.

I need to stop acting like a child and be straight with her. Tell her we need to stop this thing between us because Amber’s too fragile. But that feels so final. Every time I think about it, my mouth goes dry. Maybe I don’t want our ‘thing’ to stop. Maybe I want to give in.

Am I ready for that?

The anniversary is so close, and I’m considering taking extended leave from work to stay home with Amber and watch everything she does. Hell, I’ll even ride along with her while she works. She’s not asking for my company this time, but I’m not leaving again no matter how much she protests or yells. She almost didn’t make it through last year’s anniversary, but I will get her through this year’s.

Miguel taps my shoulder. “I’m going to get a private dance upstairs. You going to sit here and mope?”

“Yeah.”

“All right, man. See your grumpy face later.”

I settle back into my chair and chug a beer. One more week. If the three of us can survive one more week until the anniversary passes and Amber is out of the danger zone, maybe Paige and I will have a chance.

Paige

ON THIS ADVENTURE OF MINE, I make it all the way to downtown before my body shakes. The cab stops and the male driver glances at me in the rear-view mirror. “Have a good night,” he says after taking my cash.

I stare out the window, clutching my phone. There are a ton of people out on Friday night. Lots of couples. Lots of friend groups. I enjoy talking to people, but there’s too many of them. Everything is lit up and glittery, and the lights are blinding. I don’t know any of these buildings. No chain restaurants to give me familiarity and comfort.

My pulse races. I’m going to be sick.

“Miss?” the guy asks.

I nod and get out. So many voices. So many new buildings. I don’t know how this block is laid out. I can’t get my bearings, can’t picture it in my mind. What should I expect inside each bar and shop? I’ve never been to a bar. After I sit on the barstool, what do I do? I don’t know what alcohol drinks there are besides margaritas. Do all bars make margaritas or only some? I could try to be cool and tell the bartender to surprise me, but what if it’s gross? Can I give the drink back if I don’t like it, or is that against the rules? What if I have to pee but the bar layout is so confusing that I can’t find the bathroom, so I pee in an alley, but I do it wrong and pee all over my feet?

I shudder. I don’t want pee feet.

A man whistles at me as he passes by on the sidewalk.

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