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I barely nod before kissing him. He grips my hips to pull me off the counter so the head of his cock can push inside me. “Do you want this?”
I nod. Yes. Yes. I want you. I need to know it wasn’t a fluke. I need to orgasm with you more than I’ve needed anything.
I grab my phone off the counter before he carries me to his bed. We frantically discard our clothes and fall onto the mattress. Then his mouth is all over my body. He kisses every inch of bare skin he can find, mindful not to leave spit except in the areas I designated as ‘lickable zones’. Our ear buds are still in place, so I restart the song. Once the music begins, the muscle between my legs contracts, already eager and wanting.
Brody grips his shaft and rubs the head of his cock up and down my crease. “Once I start this time,” he says gruffly, “I won’t be able to stop.”
I lift my hips until he presses into my opening. He pushes, eyes closed, his tongue wetting his lower lip as he savors each inch I take in. Once he seats himself deep in my body, he sighs. “I love being inside you. I never want to leave.”
Gripping the headboard with one hand and my hip with the other, his thrusts are powerful and steady, matching the slow, building pace of the song. My hands fall to the curves of his ass, his muscles tensing and releasing, grinding and moving beneath my fingertips. His demeanor is different. His body is different. He towers above me, abs contracting and then lengthening as shadows shift along the sculpted peaks and valleys. He pumps in and out with a new purpose. There’s a determination in his stare. Lust. Need. Love.
His gaze is too intense, so I look away. My mind gets lost in the song, just like before. My hand falls between my legs to join Brody’s growing fervor. The beat builds and drops, intensifying with each cycle. My body follows. But this time, there’s Brody. Inside me. Above me. Around me.
He releases the headboard as the song picks up so he can lower his face to my neck. His thrusts are fast now. Ravenous. “Paige. My goddess. My fucking sex goddess. I’ve wanted to come in you for so long. Give you everything I have. I want—fuck. Paige—” A grunt steals his words.
I claw his back, my body already shaking before the beat drop. He shudders and repeats my name. The peak of the song hits and I join him with moans, our bodies lost in nirvana together.
When we return to reality, he’s still thrusting, careful and slow, as if not wanting us to separate. His lips are on my forehead, my cheeks, my mouth, my hair. He whispers my name on repeat. I’m drained and tired—as exhausted as I feel after a meltdown—but a deep part of me is finally satisfied. Finally.
A lump grows in my throat until I’m crying.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” Brody pulls out and then rolls me against him, covering our bodies with the comforter.
I reach for my phone.
“Okay. Anything you need, just tell me.”
My body hums from the afterglow, sensations flooding every crevice. I cry it all out. I’m filled and relaxed and fully in the moment. Tired, but the ache is gone. No more yearning and need. At least for now, I’m at peace. Whole.
So this is the other side? I’m now the fully sexual woman I’ve yearned to be. My body is finally responsive, and orgasming with Brody was better than I imagined. I could feel his desire with each thrust, the way his body released in mine.
I’m whole now, right? Not broken? Orgasm, then love. That’s how it works. We finally connected the deepest way two bodies can. I should be overwhelmed with love and joy and wanting to pop out his babies.
I don’t. I feel the same. My body is different, but not my heart.
I thought there would be a rush, something to make me feel everything Brody feels. A sudden realization. Euphoria. Giddiness. Whatever romantic love is, I’m supposed to feel that now. Unless I’m damaged deeper than I realized. He makes me happy. I like Brody. Really, really like him, and I want to stay with him and always feel the comfort of his presence. The safety of his arms. Love him.
But I don’t.
I can’t.
The sexual ache in me is finally gone, and with its absence, I now see what was lurking behind it.
A black hole.
“How was it?” Brody asks after I’ve wiped my cheeks. “Wait. That was a dumb question. Forget I asked. I’m not some insecure jerk trying to boost my ego. I mean, how did you feel? Was it how you imagined? From my perspective, it was fucking amazing. Not to pressure you. Sorry. It’s okay if it didn’t feel amazing. We can work on that and—”
I kiss him so he’ll stop talking. Then I move his fingers between my legs. I don’t need to orgasm again, but it’s soothing. His touch is soothing.
“God, I loved coming inside you.”
He strokes between my thighs and it gives me that calm, tingly feeling up my spine.
“Tell you what, beautiful?”
