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“I wish you would have told me last night. I could have sat with you, lain in here with you.”
I sit down on the floor in front of her, taking her hand. “I wasn’t ready. I don’t know that I am now. I fell hard, much harder than I intended. What was I thinking? It wouldn’t have worked long term anyway. I have to work on looking at it for what it was.”
“I’ll remind you, you said all this later. I don’t buy it for one second. I hope for your sake you’ll get there. I can feel how much he hurt you.”
My shoulders raise in a shrug. My words get stuck in my throat for a minute before I can find them. “It is what it is.”
“Bullshit.”
Sylvia starts furiously tapping on her phone. “What are you doing?” I ask.
“I’m giving that el hijo de perra a beat down via DM.”
“I suppose if I told you to stop, it wouldn’t matter, right?”
“Not today, Satan. Look, Go take a shower while I finish this then I’ll make you some breakfast. We can stay in all day and you don’t have to talk. If you don’t speak all day, that’s fine.”
I nod my head before I get on all fours and rise from the floor. For a moment, I watch her type, then delete, then type and delete again. She’s going to bat for me in a way only she can. I wrap my arms around her shoulders with a warm hug. “Thanks, bestie.”
“I’ve got you, boo.”
My long shower taking skills have graduated to a whole new level. I allow the water to nearly burn my skin and drown my already sorrowful sorrows until the heat of the water starts to fade. That’s my cue to get out. I towel-dry my hair today instead of wrapping it because my head hurts too much. The leftover beads of water dot the skin that isn’t covered by the towel I’ve wrapped my body in. The towel is the one he used yesterday morning.
I must be an absolute masochist. I imagine the towel being around him, which in turn means I’m in his embrace. My Wet Brush gets tangled in my hair, but each tug I fight is no match for the pain I feel elsewhere. The dark pits I call my eyes have gone from the black of smeared makeup to the bloodshot image of sadness. I don’t think there’s anything that can fix them. Not today at least.
I pull on a pair of workout shorts and an oversized T-shirt for this sitting in silence day that Sylvia promises. The noise of the light switch turning off in the bathroom sends my senses to find my red dress balled in the corner by my closet. I was so excited to wear that dress for him. Now, I don’t think I’ll ever wear it again.
The smell of breakfast under my door both makes me a little hungry and a little queasy at the same time. I know if I don’t go out there, she will come and get me so I open my bedroom door. The male voice of laughter hits me first. Panic sets in as my exhaustion thinks Sylvia’s gone and provoked Rafael to come over.
“Shit. Ava.”
Those two words of pity are from the last, well second to last, man in the world I expected to see today. Austin is sitting at the kitchen table staring directly at me. He tosses the hood of his sweatshirt off his head as he marches over and wraps me in his arms. I didn’t realize how much I needed to see him. I bury my face into his neck and start crying again.
“Shhh. Hey. It’s okay. I’m here.”
He lifts me off the ground enough so he can carry me to the couch. His role as younger brother over the years has transitioned to big brother. I may have three years on him, but his overprotective heart eclipses that in a heartbeat when he knows I’m angry or upset. It also doesn’t hurt he’s six feet tall, where I’m clearly not.
“What’s wrong? Please tell me.”
I pull the fleece of his sweatshirt into my hands as he drags my legs across him. My body curls into his warmth. His lips press against my forehead while his hands try to soothe me. “Broken heart.” Those are the two words I can manage.
“I’m going to kill him, whoever he is.”
My sniffling nose rubs against his chest. “What are you doing here?”
“I talked to Syl last night and told her I wanted to surprise you. I missed you. There was a break in my schedule so here I am. Tell me who he is.”
“I don’t want to talk about it. I really don’t. I need today to cry it out then tomorrow to prepare for moving on.”
“Ava, you know that won’t work this time,” Sylvia chimes in over the sizzling bacon.
“This time? This has happened more than once?”
“No. This is worse, but this is what she does. She cries by herself, says she’s okay, but she’s not.”
“Nuh-ah. You’re not doing that shit with me. I won’t be able to leave tomorrow unless I know you’re actually a functioning human.”
“I’m always a functioning human, Austin,” I remind him.
