Page 62 of Surrender


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My chest instantly tightens as I sit back in my chair, spinning it away to look out the window. “Hi,” I tell him. I had a thousand things planned in my head to retort with if I heard from him. At that moment, hi was all I could find.

“I miss you.”

“Rafael, please. Don’t.”

“I’m back in Atlanta. You heard I got the project with Skywriter?”

I clear my throat, holding back a thousand tears, which are cutting me from the inside out like knives. “I was told, yes. Congratulations. I will have a spot on the team managing things for you here in the US, but in the background. I don’t know who will be leading it. I can transfer you to Aaron and possibly he could help you with any questions you might have.”

”Is this where we are now, Ava? Truly?”

I exhale, as a new flock of butterflies in my belly turn into a whirling stampede. “How did you think it would be? I said goodbye, Rafael. That wasn’t just a word to me.”

“Neither is I love you.”

My stomach instantly lurches. “You’re right.” I pause. “I need to go. I just…I need to go.”

“I need to see you. Please allow me that.”

“I…I don’t think that’s a good idea. Maybe in the future. Maybe some time…”

“The time that’s already passed feels like years. I need to see your face. I need to look into your eyes.”

That thought sends me into a panic for many reasons. I look like I’ve been run over by a fleet of tractor trailers and the scarier one, I know if I see him in front of me, I won’t be able to deny him what I have to. “I have to go. Goodbye.”

I quickly rest the phone back in the cradle. No amount of breathing is going to fix this. Before I can think, I’m hunched over my trash can with one arm wrapped around my waist and the other hand holding my hair out of the line of fire. I know it doesn’t take long for the miniscule contents of my stomach to empty, but in other ways it feels like years.

“That’s it. I’m driving you home.” A couple of tissues come around the side of my head into view from the hand of my boss. “I was like okay; I will give her Monday and Tuesday acting like nothing bothers her. Wednesday I went home and had a conversation with Noelle about you. She said to watch for the red flags. This is the reddest of the flags. You will not argue, you will just do it.”

Much like me not fighting my body, I don’t fight him. Aaron instructs his assistant to move my Friday to Tuesday and to move everything but our debrief meeting on Monday to Wednesday or later. Aaron calls Sylvia in what he thinks is private. Even in the state I’m in, my hearing is pitch perfect.

He tells her what happened and how worried he is for me. I can’t hear what she’s saying. I can only guess. The one thing that’s clear is that he wants to make sure I’m not alone. I don’t think that will be an option anymore.

Aaron drops my sneakers at my feet to put on instead of my heels. I slowly pack my bag and wait in my office chair until he tugs on my hand, taking my elbow. “I’m sorry,” I tell him.

“Don’t you dare apologize. Life happens. It’s happening to you today. You’d be doing the same for me if the roles were reversed.”

“Noelle would never have…”

“I know. I know. Do you have everything you came with?”

I stop just short of the doorway. “The flowers. I need to, I want to take them home with me. We can dump the water out.”

“Okay. I’ve got them.”

My belly feels better on the ride home. I’m just exhausted now in body and spirit. Aaron stays close to me on the walk up the stairs to my apartment. Sylvia is waiting in the open doorway. She takes one look at me before running at me with an attack hug. I feel like I sink into her arms.

She walks me into my bedroom, while I hear Aaron set down my bags and run a bit of water in the kitchen. He lingers outside the doorjamb, just in case. “You decent?”

“Yes. You can come in.” He rests the flowers on the corner of my dresser to the right of the television. “You don’t have to look so worried. I’m fine. I’ll be fine.”

“I’m glad you corrected yourself. I don’t want you to log in tomorrow. Shit. I don’t want you to log in until Monday. I want you to give yourself the break you should have already had. I will be checking IP addresses.”

“I’m not a child. I can do what I’m told.” Sylvia laughs, so does Aaron. “Okay, I have the ability to do what I’m told and I will this time. I promise.”

“I’ll hold you to it. Noelle and I will swing by after brunch with her parents on Sunday, just to see how you’re doing. Now sleep. I think that’s the best thing for you.”

“Yes, Doctor,”I mock him as I slide under my blankets.

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