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“Call me any name in the book you want. Yes, even that name, as long as you rest.”
“I will.”
Sylvia tucks me in like I’m a little girl and hands me another pillow to wrap my arms around. I curl up in a ball and close my eyes. I can hear muffled conversation outside my bedroom door as I fall into a deep sleep. I can feel the sunlight radiate across the lower half of my body, allowing me to warm my soul. It ebbs and flows like my dreams.
I remember slivers of emotion as I wander through my slumber. I can hear more conversation and I slide in and out of consciousness. There is the male/female combination that I fell asleep to still going. The light isn’t as strong as it was when I lay down. It must be behind a cloud or close to dinnertime.
I push my body up to sit. I feel like there are fifty pound weights attached to either arm. I stand up and immediately need to sit back down. I feel as weak as a newborn baby deer. “Whoa. Don’t get up. What do you need?”
The male voice is quickly at my side, kneeling in front of me. “Austin? What are you doing here?”
“I got the opportunity to pop into a minor league game in Decatur tonight, so I thought I’d check on you again. I’m glad I did.”
“I thought you had a game in Charlotte tonight.”
“Ava, that was last night. It’s Friday.”
“Friday? What do you mean? Aaron just brought me home.”
“Honey, that was eighteen hours ago. You’ve been asleep since yesterday afternoon. If you didn’t wake up soon I was going to call Mom and Dad.”
“Friday? Wow. Wait. No. Don’t call them. I’m not ready to deal with their questions on top of everything else. Promise me you won’t call them.”
“Calm down. I won’t call them, but I’m freaking out. You were okay-ish on Sunday when I left and now, if I’m honest, you look like shit.”
“Thank you. Thank you very much.”
“It wasn’t meant as a dig. You look like you’ve lost weight. Aren’t you eating?”
“I eat.”
“Okay, let me rephrase. Are you eating three meals a day and your normal daily dose of junk food? It doesn’t look like your Oreo stash has been grazed on in days.”
The lead from my arms gravitates to my chest so I lie back. “No. No I haven’t.”
Austin pulls the blankets back up underneath my arms. He rests the back of his hand on my forehead. “Is this a product of a broken heart? How do you feel otherwise, besides not eating or sleeping?”
“I’m okay. I think.”
“That’s not very reassuring.”
“What do you want to hear? My chest hurts. My stomach hurts, on and off. I puked in my trash can at my desk yesterday. It’s lousy timing. I have the flu. It will pass.”
“What your brother is having a hard time asking you, that I won’t, is do you think you could be pregnant?”
Austin’s eyes screw tight. “Way to be subtle, Syl.”
“I think we all need a dose of reality around here. Honey, I live with you. I’ve known you for a long time. I also know that until about ten days ago we’ve been in sync for months.”
“Jesus Christ, Sylvia. TMI much?” Austin cringes.
“Not particularly. Just tell me it’s not possible and I will eat my words,” she says.
I lie here in a reality I’ve been trying to ignore, a reality that is now walking up with closed fists and offering a one-two punch to my body. I wrap the extra pillow in my arms again, seeking some form of comfort without being held.
“I could tell you that,” I eke out through the driest of throats, “but I’d be lying.” Austin rocks back from his knees to sit on the floor. I can’t tell how he’s feeling. Is it pity for me because I look so, well, pitiful? Is it shock that I’m being so honest? Is it disappointment I wasn’t more careful? Or is it D all of the above. “Please say something. I can’t take how you’re looking at me right now, on top of how bad I feel.”
“You’re a grown-up, Ava. You can make your own choices. I’m not judging you. I don’t have any room to judge. What I’m trying to do is stuff down the rage I have right now because it’s not what you need. I want to strangle this asshole for making you think about the future, then possibly leaving you alone with the consequences.”
