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Because who was I fucking kidding? I’d always known I didn’t want her to go out with Mason. But it didn’t stop him being the better man for her.
“Sorry?” she asked, and I knew it wasn’t an apology.
I shook my head. “No, I didn’t care at first. I was like, whatever, she can do whatever the fuck she wants–”
“Oh, good. So pleased,” she muttered.
I went on as though she’d never spoken. “–but then we spent every day together for two weeks and you got under my fucking skin, Piper. We went back to school, and I just never wanted that day to come. I wanted him to… Fuck!” I yelled. “I don’t even know,” I finished quietly.
“What, Roman?”
“Anything.Anythingwas preferable to him asking you out. I felt like my life was split into before he asked and after he asked, and after was just going to be full of shit and misery. I saw it coming and I pretended I didn’t. Then, it happened and…I lost you…”
I sounded like a total arsehole. A weak, snivelling, grovelling, begging arsehole. What had she done to me? What was it about her that made me turn to total mush? Not just turn to total mush, but not feel bad about turning to mush.
“It’s a bit late for that, don’t you think?” she asked.
“I couldn’t not tell you.”
All I felt bad about was telling her. I felt bad for telling her when I couldn’t do anything about it. But I couldn’t go on not telling her anymore. And now I’d started, it all wanted to come out.
She nodded curtly. “Okay, well you did.”
“You didn’t just get under my skin, Piper. You got into my head. Into my heart. And I can’t fucking get you out.”
I couldn’t. I’d had a girl not just willing but desperate for me to do whatever the fuck I’d wanted to her…and I’d just walked away.
I couldn’t have Piper, but I didn’t want anyone else.
Those words haunted me again. Left me with a feeling so hollow inside that I worried I’d crumple to dust.
“I don’t…” she started. “What do you want me to do with this?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m no good for you, but I can’t stop thinking about you.”
Everything in me wanted to reach for her. If I could just hold her one more time, maybe I could let go.
“I really don’t know what I’m supposed to do about that, Roman!” she cried. “A few months ago, I would have agreed with you. I would have said you were no good for me. Now, I’m not so sure.”
I felt like that semi had ploughed into me again. “How can you stand there and say that? You know me better than anyone. How can you believe that?”
“What were we doing, Roman? We hung out, we got along, you were there for me every single time I needed you, and we slept together. Apart from the whole monogamy thing, what we had seemed like a pretty good relationship to me.”
“Monogamy?” was all I could say to that.
“Yeah. Nifty concept. I assumed you’d heard of it.”
“Of course, I’ve fucking heard of it, Piper! And for your information, I wasn’t with anyone else between that first Saturday in the holidays and last Saturday when I saw you and Carter…out.”
Well, that was a lie. Oh, how I’d wanted to be with someone after. How I’d tried. But my morals had apparently had something to say about that.
“What?” her voice was a whisper. I barely heard it. “You what?”
Seriously? The woman had given me more action in the last few months than I’d seen in probably the year leading up. Which said more about how busy we’d got; I’d been very proud of my ability to pull before she came along. And she still thought I was off mucking about?
“Wow. So that’s what you think of me? I’m so fucking shit that I was off sleeping around? You think that little of me?”
“No.” She shook her head. “No. No, I think that little of me…”
