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Her voice mirrored us; broken. We’d always said some things needed apologies. But even an apology didn’t seem enough to cover this. I’d fucked this up, like I fucked everything up. I couldn’t not feel for her, but I also had to let her go. If I hurt her anymore, that would be worse than losing her.
She sighed. “You don’t have to apologise for being you, let alone being honest. Neither of us went about this the right way, any of it. But we are who we are. You know I’ll never judge you and I’ll always like you for you, Roman. I don’t expect you to be anything other than who you are.” She took a deep, steadying breath. “That’s the guy I love. But I can’t do this right now. I… I need some space. We need some space.”
Everything in me told me to stop, but there was a tiny little hopeful spark in me that hoped I could mitigate the end. That tiny spark that would do anything to stop it. That tiny spark that had been squashed so many times before. Even still, it reached out for her. Reached out for her like my only lifeline.
She took one step away from me and I knew that was it.
My arm fell.
My heart went with it.
And this time, I knew it wasn’t going to get back up.
“No,” I said slowly, “you’re right. I’ll, uh… I’ll see you later, Barlow…”
I turned on my heel and walked into the night.
I wasn’t a guy who cried as a rule, but my eyes got hot and a lump formed in my throat. For the first time in many years, I didn’t fight it with anger. I didn’t fight it with pain. I didn’t fight it with booze. I didn’t want to fight it. I wanted to let it consume me. Just for a moment.
It came from the part of my heart where Piper would always live, the place she’d carved her name. Everything in me screamed to man up and get over it. Years of conditioning and behaviour told me to fight it, but I wouldn’t. I couldn’t. That was the last piece of Piper Barlow I’d ever have, and I’d rather die than lose it.
