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“What?” I heard the incredulity in her voice and saw it on her face.
I turned away, unable to keep looking at her, and ran my hand through my hair. “Maybe we shouldn’t be friends…” I took a shaky breath. “Fuck, when did things get so hard?”
“When we fell in love with each other,” she said. Her tone was all icy venom, and it sent a chill down my spine.
My instincts had one reaction to that, and it wasn’t the right one.
“I told you I don’t–”
Before I could finish, she’d grabbed my jumper and pulled me to her. Her lips were on mine, and I fell onto autopilot. Everything about it felt so right. Like she was the water after a month lost in the desert.
My hand went to her cheek and the other found her hip. I needed her closer. She ran her hands through my hair as she bit my lip playfully. It was everything. It was our whole relationship in one kiss. Humour. Friendship. Heat. Slow burn. Passion. Anger. Annoyance. Love. For a second, I thought I could see the future laid out for us.
As her hands made their way to my belt buckle, she pulled away from me.
We were both breathing heavily and there was a rod in my pants straining in disgust that I let her get away.
She pointed at me, and I felt the full force of her fury. “Don’t lie to me, Roman. Ever. Again.”
Something was bubbling in me. Something was boiling.
She turned and stormed away from me.
I heard my name on her lips, a weak plea in the face of everything. My head told me to let her walk away. My feet had other plans.
When I caught up to her, I grabbed her arm. “Fuck’s sake, Piper!”
She pulled away from me so hard she almost fell over. “Just leave me be, Roman. Please.”
I was vibrating. I was angry. Angry with myself. Angry with this woman who’d made me fall for her. Angry that I couldn’t be what she deserved. Angry I was who I was.
“Fuck, no,” I told her and what followed can only be described as verbal diarrhoea. “You want no more lies, Piper? Fine! Yes, I love you. I love you more than I knew was even possible. I love you so much it fucking scares the hell out of me. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. You’re the only person to accept me for who I am, not who you want me to be or who you think I can be if I just applied myself a little more. But I can’t be with you because I amsoafraid I’ll ruin it and hurt you more than I already have.”
“Nothing hurts me more, Roman, than you thinking so little of yourself,” she said gently. “You were everything I needed, and you weren’t even trying. How can you think you’ll fail if you do try?”
“Because it’s what I do.”
“Roman, I’m done trying to convince you otherwise. You want to believe that? It’s not up to me to make you believe in yourself when you don’t want me to. I fought for us as far as I could. It’s your turn now. You decide you can be with me, then you let me know. But this? This is done. We can’t live with less when we both want more. We’ve tried and we’ve failed. I miss you. I miss us. But we both deserve better.”
She was giving me chance after chance. It was more than I deserved. But… I just…
“I… I can’t…”
She nodded. “Okay. See you around, Lombardi.” She pulled away from me and walked away.
This time I let her.
“Piper!” I called, for no other reason that there was still a part of me that didn’t want to let her go.
I watched her disappear and sank to the ground, my head in my hands.
I was too despondent for a smoke. I couldn’t even have mustered up tears if I’d wanted to. My heart was numb. Her smile, her touch, her eyes floated through my mind, haunting me. But I didn’t feel anything. I couldn’t.
If I let myself feel the full impact of her loss, then I didn’t think I’d ever leave this clearing.
As it was, it took me a good few hours to pick myself up off the damp ground. I dragged myself home, leaving the broken pieces of my heart and soul where they’d fallen.
