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Nothing will ever be right again. It was supposed to be me carrying his child. Me wearing his ring. Mel has taken that away from me. It’s poetic karma, really.
“Drink this, bambina,” my mama’s soft voice breaks me out of my thoughts. I glance at her, and her soft smile makes a sob burst from my throat. She pops the mug of cocoa down on the coffee table and wraps me in her arms. “Sshh, sweetheart. Everything will be okay. This is just a blip in the road for you, everything will work out. What’s meant to be will always finds its way. Remember that.”
I cry harder. Listening to her words but not taking them in. How can everything work out after this? There is no doubt in my mind that this is the end of a love story I never thought would end. I thought Theo and I were forever. Now he’ll just be a love I look back on. Think fondly of. Compare any future boyfriends to. The thought makes me cry harder.
I want Theo.
He is mine.
It was never meant to be like this.
“Sweetheart,” my father says with caution. I pull out of my mother’s embrace and swipe at my errant tears. He watches me with concern. His heart is breaking for me; I can see it. No matter how he feels about Theo and me, one thing trumps everything else. His love for his family. And seeing me hurt like this is killing him. Just as it is mama.
“I know you don’t want to discuss this right now, but I spoke to a couple of the riders you mentioned training with, and Laney Murdoch came back to me. I think she’s a great fit and considering she has pretty much the same schedule as...” he trails off with a swallow. I know whose name he is going to say though. Theo. “I think you will do fantastic with Laney, princess. She is already in Holland. Her main base is there, and she has space for you now. We can move quite quickly with this, and she is willing to organize transportation and paperwork for your horses immediately. Obviously, you will have to stay here until you finish your physical therapy, but you won’t have to step foot on Rhodes Farms again. I will have everything arranged for you, you won’t have to worry about anything, if that’s what you want?”
I suck in a breath. I don’t want to think about this right now, but I don’t see any other way. I want, noneedto ride and compete but I can’t do that with Theo. Not now. I can’t watch Mel grow with and have Theo’s baby. I wonder if he will even go to Europe now. Will he forget everything that happened with Mel and give their relationship a go? I shudder at the thought. I can’t imagine he would. I know he will be there for the baby; it’s who he is as a person. But him and Melody? I can’t see it. Doesn’t mean I can have him though. He isn’t mine. Never was. It was all a beautiful illusion.
With all this in mind, I make my decision.
“Thank you, daddy. Yes, I want to train with Laney.”
* * *
Two weeks later, my horses land in safely in Holland. I’m in constant contact with Laney, and she is keeping me updated with everything until I arrive. Which happens to be next week.
I have my final PT session in a couple days and once I get signed off by the doctor, I’m good to go.
Theo and I have been in contact via messages because I can’t bring myself to hear his voice. It will make things harder than it already is. I don’t ask him about Mel or the baby, and he doesn’t mention it. I told him I would be leaving the day after my father confirmed details with Laney. To say he is heartbroken is an understatement. He calls but I don’t answer. He’s turned up at my building, but he doesn’t get past the lobby. My dad had the building hire security, and they are not allowed to let Theo up. It hurts but it’s the way it needs to be.
My mama is staying with me, and I’m thankful for that. My father flew back to New York for urgent business that he couldn’t delay any more than he already had.
In a couple days, after my final physical therapy appointments, I leave for New York, where I will spend a couple days with my family before starting my new journey in The Netherlands. I’m feeling a mixture of emotions for my next adventure. Excited. Nervous. And the predominant one: sad. I never imagined taking this next step without Theo, but I guess we don’t always have control over what happens. I will always love Theo, and I can’t imagine being with anyone else, but I need to try and move on as best I can.
And that starts with moving away from him.
Even if it’s the hardest thing I will ever do.
* * *
Today is the day I leave Wellington.
I’ve had my final session with Ross, my therapist, and have been signed off by doctor Rolof with the go ahead to ride. Now I’m back at my apartment, finishing my packing.
I know it’s stupid of me, but I agreed to see Theo. I notified security that they are to let him up and he should be here shortly. My mother—who has not left my side—is going shopping for a couple of hours to give us privacy. I’m nervous, but I need to see him. Even if it’s just for closure.
Not that I’m naïve enough to think I will ever get closure from Theo. How do you get over someone like Theodore Rhodes? Mel couldn’t, look at the extremes she has gone to, just to keep him.
A knock at the door makes my stomach lurch. I know who it is. I can feel him. Taking a breath, I stride towards the door and pull it open. My breath catches in my throat and tears blur my eyes.
Theo.
He looks different. Tired. Resigned. Broken.
“Piccola,” he whispers. The tears fall before I can stop them, and he pulls me into his arms. “I’m sorry. So, so sorry.”
“It’s not your fault,” I cry honestly.
“If I had never drunk that night, if I had...” he sounds frantic.
