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“Hayden, that wasn’t your fault.” She began rubbing circles into his knee with her thumb. “He was threatening us, we had no choice—”
“He was a scared man trying to avenge his family.”
“He refused to listen to reason.”
“He had no reason to believe our story.”
“He was going to kill me.” Her free hand rose, lifting to the cut on her neck, the trail of blood that had dripped down and dried on her throat and collarbone. “You saved my life.” And for the first time that day, it hit her like a ton of bricks… he had saved her life.
If it weren’t for Hayden, she could be dead right now. She swallowed, hard.
Hayden lifted his hand, brushing his fingers through her choppy hair that she’d once hated so much and pulling it back from her face. “I killed that man. And he might have been wrong in what he was doing, but that doesn’t make what I did to him right.”
The mask that Hayden wore was crumbling before her eyes, falling apart to reveal the man underneath. For the first time since she’d first crossed paths with the Resistance leader, she actually saw him.
She lifted her hands to his shoulders, clasping them around his neck, only for him to shoot up, sending her falling backwards onto her ass as he towered over her. Dust flew up into the air, loosened by her fall. It made her eyes water.
“What are you doing, Anna?”
Her eyebrows scrunched together. “I’m comforting you?”
He laughed, but it wasn’t light and free like she imagined it would sound when he finally offered her a laugh. Instead, it was harsh, forced, mocking. “Why? I’m your enemy, right? You hate me, right?”
She pushed herself up off the floor, standing up straight and meeting his gaze. “No, I—”
“That man was so blinded by the idea of revenge that it got him killed. Do you understand that?”
In an instant, her defenses rose. “You’re not seriously turning this on me right now.” She dusted off her pants. “The situations are very different—”
“Are they?” he cut her off. Hayden raised a brow, waiting.
“Yes.” She was a trained officer, not some emotional civilian. “And what does it matter anyway? My motivations are none of your business.”
A low rumble rose from his throat. “Your motivations are absolutely my business. The wrong motivations can get people killed. Your incessant, reckless need for revenge? It’s going to get you killed, just like it did that man at the warehouse.”
Anger pumped through her veins. Anger at him, for turning this on her somehow, even though she was the one with a knife at her throat. Anger at herself, for seeing him as more than what he was, for thinking he was capable of normal human emotions and—
“I almost watched you die today, Anna.” He took a step closer, moved his leg forward like he might take another, but stopped himself. “I will be damned if I see you in that position again.”
There was something gentle beneath his harsh words, and for some reason, that scared Anna more than his threats ever had. “You can’t stop me.” Her voice came out too low, cracking ever so slightly.
He moved forward, gripped her shoulders and stared down at her with a crazed look she never thought she’d see on the robotic Resistance leader. “Don’t you think I know that? You remind me every goddamned day.” His nostrils flared. “I wholeheartedly support you killing Greene. Hell, I’ve tried to do it myself a handful of times. Believe me when I say I want that man dead, probably more than you do. But I need you to be patient. Controlled. Calculated. I need you to not rush in just because you want him dead. I need to know you’re going to be alive at the end of all this.”
Her heart pumped up into her throat. For a moment, all she could do was stare up at him. Take him in. Let his words brew and ferment in her mind until she could make sense of them.
There was too much to unpack. Too many questions to ask. All she could think was that she didn’t want Greene dead… she needed him dead. Needed it desperately. Needed it like she needed air. She’d planned for his death for so long that she wasn’t even sure she’d exist once her revenge was carried out, as if she was a means to an end, nothing more. A weapon created by Greene, for Greene, and she’d self-destruct once she’d completed her mission.
But she’d almost died today. And in those moments when the knife sliced against her throat, she’d wanted to live. Not for revenge. Not because she had yet to see Greene take his last breath.
No.
She wanted to live because… maybe she never had really had before. And that just seemed really fucking sad.
“Why do you care so much?” It didn’t make sense. Nobody actually cared about her, they just needed her. A means to an end, that’s all Anna was to the world.
“Why don’t you?”
She stared at him. Just stared.
