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“No,” Hayden solemnly agreed. “We did not.”
A part of her felt like he was only agreeing because she’d lumped herself in with him. But she’d take it. It was something.
Anna was used to keeping the personal matters private… but if he’d opened up, she could too. Maybe then he’d get it. Maybe he’d understand. Maybe it wasn’t about him at all, and she just needed to say the words out loud, to give them to someone else to carry for a bit so she didn’t have to do it all on her own.
“Surely, you know how the UNR treats their female soldiers, right?” She’d never spoken of it to a soul, always pretended that it was fine, that she’d moved on. But how could she? How could anyone? The only thing that drove her forward on those painful nights was the promise of revenge.
“I do.” That was all he said. Nothing more.
She swallowed the lump in her throat. “So I don’t need to share how I got my scars, then.” They were mostly inside of her, but… he would understand that, too.
“It’s different knowing about something from an intelligence perspective and hearing about it from someone who experienced it firsthand.” She turned to look at him, but Hayden’s eyes never left the road. “You don’t have to share anything you don’t want to. But if you do want to, I hear I’m a good listener.”
She laughed at that, though it came out a bit awkward, old memories still reeling in her mind. “I can see that.” The smile on her face slowly faded, silence hanging between them. Hayden didn’t push, didn’t ask for more. He also didn’t change the subject, clearly intent on listening. She swallowed again, harder this time.
“They sterilized me when I was thirteen.” Her tongue flicked over her lips, her eyes going down to the skin on her fingernails that she too regularly picked on. “They told me I couldn’t have children, but they never told me what they’d do to ensure I wouldn’t.”
Joseph Greene. He’d recruited her, been her soft place to cry when the training was too hard. Anna never met her parents, grew up in a home with other orphans. When Greene had come by to find aspiring officers, she’d jumped at the chance… she didn’t have many choices, being a girl who couldn’t even claim ownership over the clothes on her back. He’d seemed kind and caring, like a father-figure almost. Someone to rely on. Someone who offered something better.
And then he strapped her to a bed, had two men hold her legs open, and…
Anna sucked in a rush of air, the images playing in her mind. Before the panic could overtake her, anger did instead. Rage for the little girl who’d put her faith in him and been violated so deeply. Red hot fury for the other girls who’d suffered at his hands, the ones currently suffering, the ones not even out of diapers yet who would one day take his hand and see it as salvation, having no idea what came next. Of what it truly meant. That was why she couldn’t fail, wouldn’t fail. They would never take that hand. Not if she could help them.
“You don’t have to describe it. You don’t have to relive it.” Hayden’s calm voice brought her back to the present. Normally, she’d rage against him, too, because why not? But not this time. This time, she used his voice as an anchor, his larger form as protection, his strong presence as safety. This time, she looked at him as her partner, not her burden, and gripped onto him to keep herself from drowning in the emotions she’d been burying since childhood.
“You’re right,” she breathed. She wouldn’t relive it. Wouldn’t think about the knife, the screams of agony, the blood… so much blood. She bit her lip and squeezed her eyes, listening for the sound of Hayden’s even breathing, his gentle footsteps. “I don’t bleed. I won’t ever have children of my own. I don’t even think I’d want children, but I just hate that they took my choice away, you know?”
Hayden huffed out a breath. “I understand.”
She turned and looked to the trees, the dead grass, the occasional junk that got abandoned on the side of the road. She watched it all go by, shocked at the amount of information she’d shared with the man beside her. The man she supposedly didn’t even like. The amount he’d shared with her… for him, it was a lot.
“Anna,” he spoke, her name sounding decadent on his tongue. “I’m sorry.”
Her feet felt cemented to the ground, but he kept walking, so she surged to keep up with him. “Sorry for what?”
He turned to look at her, his blue eyes perfectly catching the sunlight that bore down on them. “I’m sorry for ever making you feel like you didn’t have a choice. I won’t let it happen again.”
A small smile pulled at the corners of her mouth, warmth spreading through her chest.
He gave her a half grin before turning away. The surge of emotion she felt only strengthened.
Reaching a hand over, Anna hesitantly laced her fingers with his. He didn’t flinch, didn’t move or turn toward her or say a word. He simply squeezed, holding tightly to her hand and continuing to walk forward.
His hand was warm, strong, calloused, and so big compared to hers, completely enveloping her small hand. It felt… good. She liked it. A lot.
It was weird to feel the emotions she was feeling. Anger? Yes. Hate? Always. Lust? For sure. But this was different. This was… something else.
“In the spirit of always giving you a choice, I need to tell you something.” His hand tightened just a bit around hers. “Something I should’ve told you from the start.”
A sinking, sickly feeling festered in her stomach at his words. “And what might that be?”
“I lied to you earlier. When you asked me if I’d ever dealt with Greene before.” Anna didn’t know what to say, so she simply stayed quiet. “I have dealt with him. He…” Hayden sighed, his obvious tension only increasing her own. “He’s my father.”
His… father?
Hayden tensed beside her, gripping her hand far too tightly and nearly yanking her off the road as her heart shot up into her chest. Before she could even yelp or ask what he was doing, a bag was pulled over her head at the same time something sharp pierced her neck. She only saw darkness.
Chapter Seven
