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CHAPTERELEVEN
The air out here is frigid as hell. Cyrus and I just stepped out into the alley and already I’m bouncing on my feet and rubbing my hands together to stay warm. Cy catches sight of me and laughs as he shakes his head.
“Should’ve kept your jacket on.” He taunts, sinking his hands into his coat pocket for emphasis. “It’s cold as hell tonight.”
Thanks for the great observation, Sherlock.
I play with the idea of ripping his jacket off of him, just to teach him a fucking lesson, but think better of it. His mood has picked up and, as hilarious as it would be to see his reaction, I’m not going to be the one who sours it.
“It always is.” I reply, bumping his shoulder with mine. “This city is like a f… fucking wind tunnel and this p… place is in the dead center.”
We settle against the side of the building, doing what we can to shield ourselves from the icy breeze. Cyrus leans against the wall and as soon as the back of his head falls against the brick, he releases a long sigh. “I’m fucking sick of this place.”
I laugh and shake my head at him.I get it. When we’re at Hell’s, it’s all about putting up a front. About showing our power and keeping everyone beneath us in line. But it’s hard to keep up the charade, especially when this is the last place any of us want to be right now.
We’re fucking liars. Sitting there with our expensive whiskey and polished suits, pretending like we have all of our shit together, when in reality, we couldn’t be more torn apart. We’re devastated. Just going through the motions and barely holding our shit together. Atlas is the only one who seems mildly together, and that’s just because he’s better at hiding it than the rest of us.
Cy fetches a pack of cigarettes out of his coat pocket and slips a cigarette out for himself. He tilts the pack towards me in a gesture that’s meant to be polite more than anything. He knows I don’t smoke, but with everything going on in my head, I could use a distraction. I take him up on his offer and he only briefly hesitates before lighting the both of us up.
We stand there for a few moments, quietly enjoying the silence of the night as clouds of smoke swirl around us. The pounding house music playing inside is nothing more than a faint pulse out here and it feels good to hear myself think for once.
I slip my phone from my pocket and pull up the tracking app I installed on Stevie’s phone.Yes,it’s an invasion of privacy, andno,I don’t feel bad about it. This app is the only thing stopping me from hunting her down, so she should be grateful I have it. I refresh her location and, just like it’s shown for the last couple of weeks, she’s still at Mel’s. She never seems to leave, which would be uncharacteristic for anyone else. But after the fallout with Ez and everything going on with her sister, I’m sure the last thing she wants to do is go out into our city and chance a run-in with one of us.
“You’re too quiet.” Cy says, cutting into my thoughts as he rolls his head to level his eyes on me. “I know what you’re thinking and you need to cut that shit now, before you do something stupid.”
I give him a smirk and pull my cigarette to my lips, taking in a long drag as I think about my response. He's been this way since we were kids, always concerned about me and where my head is at. Most people see Cy as this playboy womanizer with a short fuse. But what they don’t see, what he doesn’t let them see, is that he is one of the most empathic fuckers I’ve ever met. He fights like hell for what he cares about and as much as he tries to hide it; he cares about a lot.
“Listen d… dad,” I joke, glaring back at him, “we may have this weird twin-connection shit, but you aren’t a f… fucking mind-reader. I’m not thinking anything.” Not anything he needs to be worried about, at least.
Cyrus lets out a laugh as he lets out a cloud of smoke. “Fair enough.” He offers with a nod. “I guess I just know what's been running through my head lately and assumed you were thinking the same.”
“And what, d… dear brother, is that?”
“That we should go get her.” He says, sobering up as he takes in another puff. “But that’s a stupid idea.”
I wasn’t planning on doing anything yet, but I’d be lying if I said the thought hadn’t crossed my mind. Instead of dropping the subject like he obviously wants to, I dig in further. “Why is it s… stupid?”
Cyrus lets out a sigh as he ashes his cigarette. “Because it isn't what she wants.” He says simply, shrugging his shoulders as if he’s already accepted defeat.
I release another lungful of smoke and glare at him. “How do you know what she wants?”
“I don’t.” He hesitates, clenching his jaw. “Not fully. But I know it's been weeks.” He says, flicking his cigarette to the ground. “I know she knows where to find us. And I know no one is stopping her from coming back. She isn’t here. That’s all the proof I really need.”
I take a deep breath as I mull over his words. “S… she just needs time to get over the s… shit with Ezra.” I say, shaking my head. “She’s been through a lot.”
We still don’t know what went down with those two. Once Ezra cooled off, Atlas tried to press him on the subject, but didn’t get any definitive answers. Each of us tried to get him to talk, but after fighting with him for a few more days, we threw in the towel all together. Ez is a stubborn bastard and once he has his mind set on something, it’s impossible to get him to change it.
“She hasn’t made any contact.” Cy says, snuffing out the flames of the discarded cigarette with the sole of his shoe. “If she wanted us, any of us, don’t you think she would’ve said something by now?”
I run my hand over my face and take a second to think.Is that really what’s happening here?
“Look, I get it.” Cy adds, turning to face me. “I know what it’s like to want something so bad you’re willing to do anything to keep it. But trust me, forcing her to come back won’t make anyone happy. She isn’t ours anymore.”
We stand there for a few moments in silence. Individually coming to terms with something neither of us wants to accept. As much as I hate to admit it, he’s right. We can’t force her to be with us. She wants her freedom, and after everything that's happened, the least we can do is give her that.
“Let's get back inside.” Cy says, clapping me on my shoulder with a smile. “I’m sure Atlas is wondering what’s taking us so long.”
