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CHAPTERTHIRTEEN
“Stop fidgeting.” Alex says, casting me a side-eyed glance as she takes a sharp right turn. “You’re making me nervous. Besides, I don’t know what you’re so worried about. Everything is going to be fine.”
That’s easy for her to say.She doesn’t know them like I do. Everything is not fine in the world of The Reapers right now, and I’m the only one to blame for that.
I smooth out the wrinkles in the white slip dress Alex let me borrow and take a deep breath to ease some of my nerves.
This visit is long overdue. I should’ve gone to see them the minute Alex told me what was happening, but I just kept putting it off. First, I needed to wait until the swelling was gone. Then it was until the bruises faded. But now? Now it’s two weeks later and I’m all out of excuses.
I’m scared to face them.
I’ve been living with this idealistic version of them in my head for so long, I’ve grown used to it. A version of them that still cares for me and misses me just as much as I miss them.
But what if I’m wrong?
What if they’ve moved on? Or worse, what if they’ve realized they’re better off without me?
The fights I started. The lies I told. The angry insults I threw their way. After everything I’ve put them through, they have every reason to hate me and honestly, if I were in their shoes, I’d want nothing to do with me.
They warned me about Dimitri. They told me to stay far away from him and what did I do? I went behind their back and I befriended that bastard. I trusted him more than I ever trusted them. And to top it all off, I got Melanie and Charles killed in the crossfire.
Feeling the need to focus on something other than everything I don’t want to think about, I flip open the mirror above me and reapply her concealer over the scar on my cheek. Concentrating on the task helps to steady my shaking hands for a moment, but as soon as I’m done, my heart rate kicks up again.
I can’t do this. How the hell am I going to face them?
“They need to know what’s going on.” Alex says, giving me a smile as she reaches over and links her hand with mine. “And they’re going to be happy to see you.”
Maybe.
I know I miss them. I know I’m sorry. And I know they deserve to know what happened. But my pride is getting in the way.
Alex pulls into a familiar alleyway and my stomach drops a few notches. I knew where we were going, but it feels so different to be this close. To know my reunion with Atlas, Ezra, Cyrus, and Tristan is just moments away.
Alex parks her car near the front of the building and when I don’t see anyone lingering by the front entrance, I let out a little sigh of relief. I don't think I could stomach a crowd of people watching me come back into the club after so long.
I step out of the car and before we part ways, Alex tosses me something. “Keep it on you.” She orders, holding my gaze after I catch it. “Just in case.”
I toy with the new burner phone she tossed me and give her a slow nod.
I still can't get over how different she is. She’s harder now. Stronger. Nothing like the kid I left behind. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, it’s just… different, and it’s something I’m still trying to get used to.
I hold her gaze for a little bit longer. “I’m not going to need this, you know.” I say, dangling the phone in the air. “I’m coming back with you tonight.”
Alex flashing me a knowing smile. “Well, if you decide not to come back tonight, I won’t blame you.” She says, shaking her head. “Don’t worry about me. Now that The Reapers are getting looped in, the guys are probably just going to want me to lie low until this whole thing blows over. Do what you need to do, just don’t disappear on me again.”
In the weeks we’ve been together, she hasn’t told me much about what happened to her while we were separated, but from the bits and pieces I’ve gathered, life hasn’t been easy for her either.
I never wanted that for her. In fact, I did everything I could to prevent it. But I’m proud of the person she is now, even if I had little to do with it.
After parting ways with Alex, I slip the phone into one of my boots and make my way into the club. I navigate through the crowd, I keep my chin down, trying my best not to bring any attention to myself. I doubt Dimitri has any spies in this crowd, but I can never be too careful. By now I know to put nothing past Dimitri Evanoff.
I sneak my way to the back hallway, and nostalgia hits me hard. This walk feels so much like the first night they brought me here. God, I miss them. I miss this.
My boots feel like they're filled with lead as I head up the staircase and the irony of how this must look isn’t lost on me. There’s no one forcing me to go up. No gun digging into my back, and yet here I am, acting like I’m being marched to my fucking grave.
Once I reach Atlas’ office, I take a deep breath, mentally preparing myself for what comes next.You can do this.I think to myself.They deserve to know who their boss is.
All I have to do is knock on that door and get the words out.Simple.As long as they don’t kill me first.
