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I raise my fist and do everything I can to steel my nerves as I knock, but before my knuckles can even contact the wood, the door swings open and out walks a familiar face.
I fixate on the woman, too surprised by what I’m seeing to think better of it.It’s the cocktail server.The same one that all but threw herself at Atlas the last time I was here.
Yeah. It’s her alright, but everything about her is different. I study her from head to toe. Analyzing every subtle change from her freshly dyed dark hair to the black mini dress she’s spilling out of that bears a striking resemblance to one of my own. The more I stare, the more repulsed I feel. Either I’m delusional or she’s transformed herself into some warped fun-house mirror version of me.What the hell is this?
As if she can read my mind, the clone raises her hand and wipes the corner of her mouth in such a crude way that there’s no need for me to try to figure out what she was doing in there.
It’s fine.I remind myself.He’s an adult. A single one at that, and he can do whatever he wants.
I look behind her, and even though I’m trying like hell not to care, what I find stabs me deep in the pit of my stomach.Atlas isn’t alone.Cyrus and Tristan are flanking his sides and all three of them look particularly out of sorts.
Great.I think sarcastically, with a shake of my head. It’s good to know that while I’ve been torturing myself over how badly I hurt them, they’ve been here, enjoying the perks of being eligible bachelors.
I want to give them the benefit of the doubt. But how can I? I’ve been MIA for almost a month and they’re sitting there, messing around with someone else as if they don’t have a care in the world.
God, did they even try to look for me?Maybe Dimitri really was telling me the truth about them.
I give the cocktail server a sneer and as she moves past me; she lets one last dig slip from her lips. “Don’t look so surprised.” She taunts, smirking at me. “I told you he’d want to explore other options.”
I cling to my detached expression like a shield of armor and stand there silently as she slinks away.
This shouldn't hurt.I think to myself as I clench my jaw and shove the emotions trying to surface back down.You’re the one who left them, and this shouldn't hurt.I think again, sinking my nails into my tightly clenched palms.
But it does.
It hurts like hell.
I don’t know what I expected to find when we finally reunited, but it definitely wasn’t this.
The door softly shuts behind her, and I wait for a few minutes to pass before attempting to knock again.
I’m not going to mention what I saw. There’s no real point, and it’ll only end up making this harder. Besides, they don’t owe me anything and it’s time I come to terms with that.
“Come in.” Atlas calls out and for a moment I’m surprised at how good it feels to hear his voice. Even in his businessy, professional tone, it’s comforting in a way I didn’t expect.
I glide the door open and stand in the doorway with my arms crossed over my chest. “Hey.” I say, giving them all a little smile as I take a quick survey of the room. “Am I interrupting?”
Cyrus is the first to move, swallowing the distance between us in a manner of seconds. Before I even have time to react, he lifts me up in arms and pulls me in for a tight hug.
He coils his arms around me and hoists my legs around his waist, sinking his face into the crook of my neck. He smells like the end of summer, all citrusy and warm and bittersweet.
“God, I’ve missed you, P.” He confesses, breathing the words into my neck.I missed you too,I want to say, but I hold myself back. This visit is strictly business.
He’s held me before, but something about the way he’s holding me now feels different. More protective. Like as long as I’m in his arms, nothing bad will ever happen to me.
I wish that were true.
All I want to do is soak up this moment, but this feeling is just part of a fantasy. Some fairy tale illusion I used to think I could have. It isn’t real. None of this is. In the real world, bad shit happens and in the real world, I don’t deserve their kindness.
I pull away from Cyrus and climb out of his hold. He releases me without too much resistance, but when he notices the sadness in my eyes, he grabs a hold of my elbow and pulls me back towards him.
“You okay?” He asks, peering into my eyes as he hooks a finger under my chin and tilts my head up. The sincerity I see in his eyes pulls me in and the impulse to melt into his touch is almost immediate.
What am I doing?I think, chastising myself. I know what I just walked in on and yet here I am, letting my feelings for them get the best of me. I need to get it together.Now.Before I lose sight of what’s important.
“I’m fine.” I reply, pulling myself out of his hold. Cy staggers back a little as if the rejection physically harms him, but in an instant he recovers, smoothing his features and taking a few steps back as if it never happened.
It doesn’t surprise me.The Cole brothers have a knack for hiding their feelings, especially when it comes to me. It’s time for me to do the same.
