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CHAPTERFIFTEEN
IAN
I always hatedwhen my time with Kyler came to an end, but leaving her house after everything we’d shared today was borderline torture.
I couldn’t stop thinking about her. About how timid she was, but how she’d pushed herself to try to get over some of the things that were holding her back. How openly she’d communicated with me about what was okay and not okay. How amazing it was to get to touch and kiss her like that and how gorgeous she’d looked as she lost herself in the moment, letting me bring her over the edge.
I was beyond proud of her, but I couldn’t stop wondering if we’d taken it too far too fast. We’d literally gone from her being okay with me putting my hands up her shirt – on her back only – or touching her ass and hips while we were making out to my fingers being inside her up to the third knuckle in one day. I didn’t know what had changed, and I also couldn’t help feeling like maybe I’d pushed it just by asking for permission to take it further. Like maybe she hadn’t felt like she could say no, despite my telling her it was okay to.
Pulling my phone out of my pocket, I sent her a text. We’d fallen into a habit of texting each other whenever we made it home.
Me: Made it home. I miss you already.
Kyler: I miss you too. It’s getting so much harder to say goodbye to you.
I smiled. The feeling was mutual, and I couldn’t wait for the day when we didn’t have to say goodbye anymore. Because that wasn’t an if. It was a when.
Me: Ditto, baby. Are you okay?
Kyler: I’m fine.
Damn it. I might not have had very many girlfriends, but I knew enough to know that “fine” didn’t really mean fine.
What if she wasn’t okay? What if she was just scared to tell me that today had been too much for her to handle and she was having a meltdown right now?
Every cell in my body burned with the longing to get back in my car and go over to her house. To have her in my arms and talk to her about what had gone down today and assure her that it didn’t have to happen again until she was ready. But her mom was home now, and if I went back over there, I’d have had to explain why I was showing up at their door at ten o’clock at night, which was completely out of the question. Which meant I needed to table this discussion until tomorrow morning.
Me: You sure?
Kyler: Yeah, I’m sure. I’ll see you in the morning.
Me: Sweet dreams, gorgeous. Te quiero mucho.
Kyler: Te quiero también.
I love you too.
A little bit of my anxiety melted away as I read that text. At least that much hadn’t changed.
* * *
“You look like you’ve been up all night,” I noted as Kyler walked out of her house and locked the door behind her.
“Honestly? I kind of was. I didn’t sleep much,” she admitted, looking at the ground. “Is that lame?”
“If it is, I’m lame too.” I tilted her chin up and gave her a kiss. “I didn’t sleep much either. The game today might get interesting.”
She chuckled. “It’s just…it’s a lot to process. Maybe not for you, but for me, it is.”
I knew my family was waiting in the van ten feet away and watching us. But I didn’t give a shit. I needed a real kiss. And I needed her to understand that she wasn’t the only one reeling from what had gone down in her bedroom yesterday. I pulled her close by her waist and kissed her deeply, trying to show her everything I was feeling. Even after I pulled back, I kept my hand on her face to make sure she kept looking at me.
“I was processing too. I couldn’t stop playing yesterday on a loop in my head. And I couldn’t stop thinking about you and hoping you were okay. Please say you are.”
“I’m fine,” she mumbled, turning bright pink.
There was that word again.
“Would you tell me if you weren’t okay with what happened?” I pressed.
