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“Why selfish?”
“There are people dying of starvation, of illness, people alone, homeless. The world is full of horrors. And, then I look at my life and there’s none of that.”
“You think because other people have what you believe is a worse time that you should be happy all the time?”
I huffed a humourless laugh, thinking I knew where she was going with that question. “Roman would say something much the same.”
“Those nancy wanker words?”
I looked up at her and smiled. “Yeah.”
She smiled back. “We don’t have a lot more time for today, Piper. But, I want to ask you this; when you’re feeling…funky can you just think of these other people – of their problems – and feel better about your life?”
I shook my head, feeling guilty. “No.”
“Piper, no one expects you to,” she said kindly. “Anxiety isn’t something we just turn on and off. It’s real. Sometimes, we feel like it makes no sense. We make excuses for it or for ourselves. We pretend we’re okay.” Here she looked at me intently and I knew when I was being given a message. “But, we don’t have to. Everyone’s experiences and emotions are different. What you’re going through isn’t less difficult for you just because there are people in poverty elsewhere in the world. We are a sum of our experiences – good and bad – and our brains don’t work the way we want them to just because we will it.
“I think it would be good if we could catch up again in a couple of weeks. In the meantime, I want you to think about what makes you unhappy and what you need to be happy. It can be people, things, songs, books, movies…John Cusack.” We shared a smile. “But, I want you to think about what makes you happy and what you can do to surround yourself with positives.”
I nodded. “I think I can do that.”
She gave me an encouraging look. “Good.”
“It’ll be hard, won’t it?”
Dr Freeman smiled sympathetically. “Sometimes, the way we can find our happiest selves can also be the most painful to acknowledge.”
