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And, there was the real Hadley; bullshit bluster aside. Her trusting me with the truth just reinforced to me that telling her everything had been the right choice. I just wished I’d been strong enough to do it earlier, that I’d trusted her earlier, that I’d been braver earlier.
“Yeah. But aren’t I, too?”
She put an arm around my shoulder. “I don’t know, Pipe. Are you really, though?”
“He scares me, Hads,” I said. “He’s got too much power over me. Without even meaning to. He’s already hurt me. I gave him the power to do it again and I don’t know how to take it back. Every day only makes it worse. I don’t know if I’m strong enough to go through the risk again.”
“Can I give you some advice, Piper?”
“I’d love some.”
“Tell Mason it’s just not working and go and have mad sex with Roman.”
“Fuck you, Hadley.”
“Love you, too, bitch.”
I buried my face in my elbow and laughed. We may have found ourselves on different pages lately. But when it counted, Hadley knew me and she knew I loved her.
The group was sitting on the oval, having lunch and minding their own business. And that’s an important point which will make sense soon.
The oval was a place where a lot of the Year Twelves hung out, so the fact that Roman’s group and mine both happened to be there most days was purely coincidental; it was something that had been happening for years.
Anyway, I’d had to see my English teacher about something after class, so I was the last one making their way to our lunch spot. I walked out on the oval and Roman pushed himself off the wall to my right, falling into step with me.
“Hey,” he said easily.
My eyes fell on the group, but no one was looking our way.
“Hi.” I nodded.
“So, how are things?”
I nodded again. “Yeah, fine. You?”
His hands were in his pockets and he scuffed his shoes on the grass. “Yeah, good. I’m sorry I wasn’t there this morning…”
“What do we say about apologies, Lombardi?”
“That they’re polite, just not necessary.”
I nodded yet again. “Okay. Well, good. Look, I need to go.”
His hand brushed my arm, then he stopped. “If you want a ride home… I’ll be in the carpark.”
I sighed. “Sure. I’ll…” Why did things have to be so awkward now? Hadley and my conversation the other day hadn’t helped at all in that department. “Maybe. I’ll see you later.”
I could just picture him nodding once and kicking the ground before strolling back to his friends while I hurried to mine. As I sat down, I was convinced everyone knew I had plenty to be guilty about. But, no one looked at me any differently, Mason took my hand and kissed my cheek before turning back to Simon, and the world just went on.
I was having a little trouble reconciling the fact that the world could just go on around me while my world was in slightly more turmoil than was preferable. But, even though it was a little harder than it had been lately, I smiled and nodded and pretended everything was fine.
I don’t even remember what we were talking about when there was a commotion on the other side of the oval. We all turned to see two people fighting, and it was fairly epic even for our school’s standards.
I recognised one figure easily and so didn’t need Hadley’s elbow in my ribs or her hissed, “It’s Roman!”
I nodded, telling myself to turn around and not worry about it.
“Go over there! It’ll look weirder if you don’t!” Hadley’s lips were practically in my ear. She elbowed me again. “Go!”
