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Chapter Twenty-Nine
The. Last. Damned. Time.
All right, so it had taken almost a week after Hadley had first started coaching me in talking to Roman for me to get up the courage to do it. We’d gone over every possible way I could lose my train of thought and keep me to task. Now, all I had to do was see if all that training was going to pay off.
I paced the lakeshore, not knowing if he was going to turn up or not. Things had been strained enough as it was. I’d all-but ignored him, he’d repaid the favour spectacularly. I’d written what felt like hundreds of messages to him only to delete them without sending them.
I had no reason to expect he’d still feel anything for me anymore that would mean he’d meet me just because I’d asked.
“You’re going to wear a fucking trench if you keep that up,” came the huff and I span to find him, cigarette in mouth and hand in pocket.
I opened my mouth and snapped it shut again as I tried to find the words that had been swimming around in my head since I’d let Hadley talk me into this whole mess. At the sight of him, I couldn’t remember a single one. I couldn’t remember why we were both there. I couldn’t think of anything, feel anything except the way my heart felt lighter whenever I looked at him and my mind seemed to settle.
So much for training…
“What, Piper?” he asked as he flicked ash onto the shore, sounding incredibly bored.
“You came,” was all I seemed capable of saying.
“Yeah. Why?”
My heart finally remembered why it had been feeling so heavy lately and it stuttered a little. “I… I don’t know. I mean, I know I don’t deserve–”
“Why did you message?” he sighed exasperatedly.
“Oh… Uh… Look, I just wanted to say something–”
“I don’t need your apologies, Piper. Okay? Save it for your boyfriend when he finds out you wanted to meet me at the lake in the middle of the night.” He ground the butt under his heel and lit another straight away.
“My…? What?”
“You’ve forgotten his name?” he scoffed.
I blinked. “Uh, no… I mean, Mason and I… We haven’t been dating for a while…”
He’d been successfully avoiding looking at me like anything else in the world was far more interesting. But, his eyes snapped to my face now, narrowing in what I couldn’t decide was anger or confusion.
“What?”
I shrugged. “We’re not dating. Haven’t been for…a couple of weeks.”
His head jerked a little the way it did when he had to force himself to hold his tongue or his fist. “I’m surprised it took you so long to text. Look, I’m flattered. But, I think I’ve wasted enough time on you.” He’d gone back to not looking at me.
If anyone else I really cared about had said that to me, my poor, beaten heart would have crumpled, insecurities would have flooded in, and I would have been totally offended. But, this was Roman. All I felt was angry with him and I pulled myself up.
It wasn’t my fault he felt more for me than he wanted.
“Just because your ego was bruised doesn’t give you the right to be a dick. All I’ve done is try here, Roman. We’re both well aware we’ve both messed up on multiple occasions, but we don’t lie to each other. Hide behind that bluster all you like, but I know you don’t think any time we spent together was a waste–”
“Do you? What are you? Some kind of fucking psychic?” he sneered.
“Do you know what?” I snapped. “I’m going to say something now Roman and you’re going to keep your damned mouth shut. You’re not going to want to hear it and I don’t really want to say it. But, I’m out of options and this is the only way forward–”
“Forward?” he laughed mirthlessly as he pointed at me with the cigarette he held. “Iknewyou’d become one of those girls. I thought you’d be the only one not to. But, you – like all those other idiots – think I can be changed!”
I crossed my arms and waited for him to finish his tirade.
“I don’t change, sweetheart. I am who I am. I’m the slacker degenerate the cops pick up for existing because bets are I’ve done something illegal. I’m the guy that every father dreads around his daughter. I get into so many fights no one bats an eyelid anymore. I’m the guy the school hasn’t expelled only because my father pays a shit tonne to keep me enrolled – like that’s going to make me pass. I’m the guy stuck raising his niece because his mum has to work harder so she feels like her family isn’t a failure, because her son’s a criminal and her daughter has zero sense of responsibility for her own mistakes. And still, I don’t change. No matter how much I love her. What makes you think I’m going to change for you? Huh?”
