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“I just…” He sighed. “This is as good an example as any. I can’t keep my hands off you when I’m with you. And, that’s not fucking fair. What kind of friend constantly thinks about kissing you, or worse–?”
“You.”
He gave a rough chuckle, then all the humour was gone. “Fuck. Maybe this isn’t a good idea.” He held me at arm’s length and searched my face.
Now, my head was starting to listen to my still whining heart. “What?” I asked.
He spun away and ran his hand through his hair. “Maybe we shouldn’t be friends…” He took a deep breath. “Fuck, when did things get so hard?”
“When we fell in love with each other,” I answered, my tone colder than I should have let it get. But, I could only fight so far.
“I told you I don’t–”
I grabbed him, pulled him to me and kissed him. He took less than a second to respond. One hand cupped my cheek and the other gripped my hip tightly. I ran my hand through his hair and kissed him with everything I had. I gave him fireworks, slow burn, everything we could have been if things had been different. And his kiss did nothing to convince me his words were true, that he felt anything less than I did. His hand ran up my side, making goose bumps chase across my skin and my heart flutter painfully in my chest.
Before I completely lost my mind and finished reaching for his belt buckle, I pulled away, both of us breathing heavily. I pointed at him, feeling anger bubbling.
“Don’t lie to me, Roman,” I spat, venom in my tone. “Ever. Again.”
I turned and stomped back towards my house, ignoring him calling after me no matter how much I wanted to turn back. It was the last time I’d walk away from him, that I promised myself. I was never putting myself in the position where I’d have to make that choice again.
I could handle him having the stupid delusion that he couldn’t be what I needed or telling himself he wasn’t in love with me. But, that wasn’t the kind of kiss you gave someone you didn’t love in some capacity. Maybe we could have found our way back to friends, but it wasn’t happening now.
I felt a hand on my arm. “Fuck’s sake, Piper!” he said heavily.
I ripped my arm from him and turned around so fast that I almost overbalanced, but I caught myself. “Just leave me be, Roman. Please.”
“Fuck, no. You want no more lies, Piper? Fine! Yes, I love you. I love you more than I knew was even possible. I love you so much it fucking scares the hell out of me. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. You’re the only person to accept me for who I am, not who you want me to be or who you think I can be if I just applied myself a little more. But, I can’t be with you because I amsoafraid I’ll ruin it and hurt you more than I already have.”
“Nothing hurts me more, Roman, than you thinking so little of yourself. You were everything I needed and you weren’t even trying. How can you think you’ll fail if you do try?” I asked softly.
He shook his head. “Because it’s what I do.”
“Roman, I’m done trying to convince you otherwise. You want to believe that? It’s not up to me to make you believe in yourself when you don’t want me to. I fought for us as far as I could. It’s your turn now. You decide you can be with me, then you let me know. But, this? This is done. We can’t live with less when we both want more. We’ve tried and we’ve failed. I miss you. I miss us. But, we both deserve better.”
He looked at me carefully, then started shaking his head again slowly. “I… I can’t…”
I nodded. “Okay. See you around, Lombardi.” I pulled away from him and went home.
“Piper!” he called, but he didn’t follow me.
That.
That was going to be the last time I walked away from him.
