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SAOIRSE
The sun lowersbehind the trees as we drive towards Devereux manor, and just like the night, exhaustion creeps in, stealing the light, hooding my eyelids, and weighing down my shoulders.
The past few days have been a shit show. Somehow, I’m depending on a stranger for the answers my mother should have given me. A few days ago, if someone were to ask me where I saw my week going, I would never have come close to this bleak reality. Not in a million years.
Yet, here I am. Uncertain of the past my mother kept from me, unaware of what my present holds, and judging solely on Fiadh’s less-than-informative words, I am entirely ill-prepared for what the future will bring.
I have no clue on how to navigate whatever comes next. Especially when Fiadh keeps those cards close to her chest.
“After we teach you everything you need to become a true Ryan.”
As I stare out the passenger window, following the thick treeline guiding our way, her words tumble around my head, but I can’t grasp the hidden meaning behind them. My mother never talked about her family. I know her parents died when she was a teen, but other than that, I have nothing.
Fuck, I wasn’t even aware I had an uncle.
Then we have Fiadh Devereux, my mother’s lifelong friend, apparently.
Even though I don’t know her, I need to trust her. All I know is that my mother wouldn’t have led me here if she had any doubt about keeping me safe. Those men, whoever they were…want something, and I have a gut-wrenching feeling that something is me.
For now, the Devereuxs are all I’ve got. If that means following them blindly into the dark, I guess that’s what I’ll have to do, at least until I can begin to place what little pieces of the puzzle I have together.
Pushing down the hyperactive anxiety coursing through my skin, I glance towards Fiadh. Her hands are carefully wrapped around the steering wheel as she navigates us up the winding mountain roads surrounding the town of Killybegs.
The further up the mountain we go, the wider my eyes and the larger the homes become — long, lavish driveways that lead to mansions concealed by mountain rock and greenery.
With a side glance, she shoots me a small smile. “We’re almost there.”
Finally, large, double wrought iron gates come into view. Right in the centre, where the two gates meet, an oversized coat of arms is lasered into the metal with the words ‘Virtutis comes invidia’engraved above it.
Fiadh follows my line of sight. “The Devereux family crest,” she confirms. “All the homes of the syndicate members have a coat of arms at the entrance. Personally, I hate it, but it’s tradition.”
Nodding, I ask, “What does the saying mean?”
She presses a button on the key fob hanging from her rear-view mirror, and the gates slowly begin to open when she responds, “Virtutis comes invidia. It means envy is the companion of virtue. It’s been the Devereux family motto for thousands of years.”
With a tip of her chin, she motions for me to look ahead. “After all, envy is not a sin, not if you use it to strive for greatness.”
Halfway up what seems like a mile-long drive sits a huge gate lodge house, but impressive as that is, it’s not what has my mouth agape — that honour goes to the three-story monster mansion sitting on the top of the hill.
When Fiadh said house, I wasn’t expecting it to be bigger than most fucking resorts. This place is insane.
“Welcome to Devereux Estate, Saoirse. Feel free to make yourself at home. Ar scáth a chéile a mhaireann na daoine.”Under the shelter of each other, people survive.
After exiting Fiadh’s Range Rover, I tug my bag over my shoulder and follow her towards the house.
My feet carry me forward, but my widened eyes dart around the exterior. I’ve never seen anything like this place. It’s a looming giant forged by a mass of glass and stone, set into the rivets of the mountainside. The Devereux manor screams wealth and importance, both excessive and decadent, and I’d be lying if I said it didn’t make me slightly uncomfortable. I’ve never known wealth like this. My mother and I lived a simple life, surviving paycheque to paycheque. I can’t help but wonder if this would have been my life if she wasn’t always running from her demons.
Following Fiadh’s lead, I trail behind her as we climb the imposing outdoor steps towards the front entrance.
Finally, Fiadh pushes through the expansive glass doors once we reach the top, leading us into the spacious open-plan foyer, showcasing a grandeur double black marble staircase with wrought iron rails.
Everything in this house feels familiar, even though I’m sure I’ve never been here before.
Yet, grandeur as it seems, there is a comforting — almost reminiscent — feel about the place. The strange, unwanted sense of belonging somewhat dulls the uncertainty growing like a bad mould in my gut.
“Let me find Roisin and see if she has the gate lodge ready. The kids spend most of their time out there these days, and I’m sure you’d rather be with people your own age than cooped up in this place with the adults.”
“How many kids do you have?” The question rolls off my tongue.
