Page 37 of Despair


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That joy, that radiant spark of effervescence in Daisy’s gut, would herald their arrival. Like sweet molasses warming her insides. Those were the purest days in Daisy’s life. At the door waiting, feeling, hoping, praying, and then the cry of a baby as a nun brought the new addition through the door.

Then the door would close.

And the lady behind the mirror would despair once more, just like she was now. Daisy ran full pelt into her, rocking her backward from her vicious embrace. All Daisy could think was that cuddles always worked with her brothers and sisters. They worked.

Not this time.

The sad woman with the long black hair stroked Daisy’s hair, and her despair thickened to mud.

“You shouldn’t be here, sweet one.” The woman’s voice trembled and broke. “What have you done? Run. Run back to your family now while you can.”

Flames licked higher around them. Glass broke. Something made a loud bang and Daisy screamed. She hugged tighter. Fear trembled her bones but she wouldn’t let the woman go.

Cuddles worked. They WORKED.

“You have to come,” Daisy cried, choking on the smoke.

“I must see this through. I must make sure it’s all destroyed so no one will hurt you again.”

The woman pushed Daisy back. She looked down at her like a fierce warrior, a halo of dark smoke about her head. Determination set her jaw and she screwed up her face. Tears glimmered in her eyes.

“The fire, the fire!” Daisy cried. “It burns.”

She dragged Daisy. She hurt Daisy. She pulled her crying and kicking and screaming through the smoke and flames until they hit a wall with a heavy metal door. All the while she croaked words to Daisy.

“Nothing burns forever, my child. You are the only one who will truly understand that.”

Fire burst. The woman cried in pain as flames scorched her back. She opened a metal door. Arctic air blasted out. She tossed Daisy in.

Daisy rounded on her, wanting to scream, but there was no air. No time. Flames were everywhere. So hot. So hot.

“No one will hurt you again,” the woman said.

Fire exploded, engulfing her. It caught Daisy on one side of the body. She was thrown back into the cooler and landed on glass vials and jars. The roaring fire muffled. The smoke lessened.

The door had closed.

“Daisy?” Axel whispered low. “What’s the matter?”

She shook the memory away and gulped in air. She eased back from the edge so she could gather her thoughts. She’d stifled them all, locked them all in a deep dark place where nothing flew but only sank. But since meeting Axel, so many memories were surfacing. It was as if they’d been waiting for a safety net.

“You look like you did when you woke,” Axel said, inching closer.

Daisy wiped the back of her lip. Sweat came away. She wanted to pull her jacket off. It suffocated her.

“Fire,” she blurted and shook her head.

He glanced down at the barrels. “It’s contained. It won’t hurt you.”

“I know that,” she hissed back, then flinched at her tone. It wasn’t his fault. She exhaled, long and slow then met his eyes. “I’m sorry. It’s just that I’ve been having flashbacks to the day I was burned.”

He reached for her, but she flinched away. He scowled and dragged her down to the container roof and forced a hug on her. Unless she wanted to alert the enemy to their position, she had to take it. She wanted to laugh at the ironic absurdity of being hugged right now. But Axel tightened his embrace until she relaxed.

She squeezed her eyes shut and submitted.

She hugged him back.

They laid under the night sky, the wind caressing their faces, the lullaby of nearby voices in conversation, the distant sea, and they hugged.

Eventually, Daisy’s heart rate settled, and she could breathe again. She stopped sweating. She stopped fearing.

“You good?” he murmured.

Sounds below drew their attention back to the gathering. They crawled to the edge of their container until they could see below. Daisy almost vomited when she saw what some Faithful wheeled in—a cage full of plants.

The sentient, sin-eating kind. Monsters.

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