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12
I Hope You Get Help
Flashback…
HUDSON
“You’re always in your own world. What do you think about all the time?” Lily asked.
It was a brilliant summer night and we lay naked on the sailboat, our limbs entangled as the cool salty breeze stung our skin. I often thought of how perfect her body felt against mine. As if the entire world had colluded for us to be soulmates.
She was a perfect being. She had candy-pink lips that were sensual and her skin was a honeyed color that came from her strong Mediterranean genes.
Lily was slender, her breasts weren’t large, but medium-sized with the prettiest rosy nipples I’d ever seen on a woman before. My mom would have appreciated her.
There was a delicateness that she offered which made it so hard for me to break it off. With her, there was no pretense, yet it often annoyed me when she questioned my quiet demeanor.
“Possibilities, priorities, college,” I replied.
“What about us?”
There it was again. Her constant doubt about the future. It was her biggest weakness. I couldn’t understand why she couldn’t just be happy that I was with her here and now. She always demanded more of me and my time.
She was so consumed by me, that I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to be my own person and have my own space soon enough.
“I don’t know,” I whispered. “I didn’t think that deeply.”
Lily sat up, breaking the spell, and I found myself already missing her warmth beside me.
“I mean that I love you and I possibly want to be with you one day,” she whispered, before looking down at me. “I would want to marry you.”
I stared at her for a long minute unsure of what to say because I never thought of that before. Marriage. The desecrator of all that was good in a human being. Relationships were barely an achievable feat, how was marriage going to work for me?
“Hudson?” Her cool fingers found the spot where my heart pumped hard and fast. Fuck.
“I don’t want to discuss this. I have so much work to do,” I said. “Just adding more pressure on me won’t result in a good thing.”
“What do you mean?” Her voice sounded broken, like a child who just lost their favorite toy or pet.
What did I mean? What else could I fucking mean? “I’ll make it easy for you, I just don’t want the pressure anymore. Why can’t we just leave it at this for now? Is dating not enough?”
“Enough? I barely see you anymore, Hudson. You only come to see me when you want to fuck me.” She moves further away from me, her amber eyes glistening with tears.
Oh for fucks sake. I couldn’t handle the crying. It just wasn’t something I could deal with. Not right now
“Things have been nuts. I’m sorry if I can’t spend every single second with you.” My tone is clipped, but I wasn’t sorry.
“Well, I guess that says it all,” Lily says, wrapping her shirt dress around her body as she climbed off the sailboat and walked away from me on the deck.
Two Weeks Later…
Her skin was a sickening pale, her hair untidy and there were clear reddish bags underneath her once vibrant eyes.
We were on the deck. It was another cool summer evening, but this time, there was no chance of us getting naked.
I couldn’t put my finger on how exactly Lily had become so disgustingly unattractive. Maybe it was after our last conversation, I couldn’t be sure. But to let herself wither away so rapidly? She was such a weak human being.
“I think we need to talk,” she whispered as she wiped a stray tear away from her face.
