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“I can’t do this anymore,” I said blankly as I stared at her.
She fidgeted with her fingers way too much, showing me just how uneasy I made her feel.
“What?” She sounded old, haggard.
“I don’t want to see you anymore, Lily. I don’t love you.” I’d spent these two weeks carefully thinking about this and it just felt like things were coming to an end for me. There was nothing more to hold onto.
Marriage couldn’t fix anything and Lily…she’d never get enough. She’d always want more and I couldn’t extend my heart any longer.
There was far too much to be done and I couldn’t stop my life, just because hers was falling apart.
Looking at Lily now was like ripping a bandaid off. You needed to do it fast and forget about it after. It might hurt a little at first, but the pain quickly subsided for me.
She stared at me, her mouth agape from shock. “But-but you can’t do this to me.”
“I can Lily. I just did.” I walked towards her, watching as the pain settled into her once beautiful features. “I don’t think we are healthy for each other anymore. I’m too busy to babysit you.”
“Hudson…” She breathed hard as if she couldn’t say my name without it physically hurting her heart. “I love you.”
“No, you don’t. You love the idea of me. You love the image I’ve created of myself. Two weeks ago, that wasn’t really me. This is me, Lily,” I said.“You want to live in a utopia that doesn’t exist.”
“Don’t say that.”
“It’s the truth.”
She reached up and slapped me across my cheekbone. It stung, but not that much. She could do it all night if she wanted. It still wasn’t going to change the way I felt about her now and she couldn’t ignore those words.
“What is wrong with you?” she asked bitterly, her eyes were glassy. “How could you lie to me? How could you do this to me?”
Ishook my head. “I did nothing. You did this to yourself. I didn’t ask you to fall in love with me. I made it clear from the beginning that I didn’t have any other intentions than to sleep with you.”
“You fucking disgust me.”
“Goodbye, Lily.” My voice was empty.
She angrily swiped the tears that streamed down her cheeks. “You know one day, you’ll regret ever doing this to me. I hope you get help Hudson because you’re a very sick person.”
I watched as she walked away. The wild wind nipped at my jacket as Lily disappeared. Fuck, if it also didn’t hurt a part of me to let go. But I had to do it. There was no going back from here.
