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25
Memory
HUDSON
I’m in the library with papers strewn across my Macbook as I press my temples before looking over the case brief again.
All my notes seemed to be in order seconds ago until I started analyzing them again for the tenth time. It’s a simple case. Plaintiff accuses Defendant of breaking into her apartment, going against the restraining order. I want to laugh because it can’t be any more ironic than the things I’ve done in the past. The defendant is stupid. He went so far as to get caught. He must have been really desperate. But if he was smart, he could have used anything and everything against the plaintiff. Everyone has secrets, you just need to store them and know when to use them and how to use them.
Pushing my papers away, I lift my phone and check through my messages and call logs, but everything is empty. I miss Parker. I really want to talk to her right now, but I know she’s also really angry at me. My whole idea to get her to move in with me collapsed, because I was my usual dick self.
So, I need to send my apologies and start over. Lifting my phone, I open up our text messages and type up a new message.
Hey, you. How are you? We haven’t talked in a while…I want to apologize for everything, but I was confused by you, Parker. I thought you loved me. I wanted us to move in together because I thought graduation is coming up and maybe you and I could finally just be a normal couple doing normal things—
I need to convince her that I’m also not the cheater she thinks I am, but that I’m helplessly in love with her and her only.
—I don’t love anyone else. I only love you. Yes, I used to party a lot before and fuck around, but that isn’t who I am anymore. I don’t want to move on in this relationship with you doubting me every second and with you constantly blaming me because of some idiotic rumor. I’m not a perfect human being, but I really do love you, Parker —
I stare at the screen and exhale deeply. It can’t be done like this. She needs to believe it. She needs to see that I’m really sorry. She’s a sucker for big gestures.
Pressing delete, I watch as the words disappear from the screen before I place my head down on the desk. Just for a few seconds, I find myself dozing off.
I‘m pulled into that memory. It’s a warm summer evening and I’m climbing the ladder on the side of the house. I’m going to Lily’s room.
Things ended bitterly between us, but tonight, I’m going to apologize and be with her one last time.
Her window is open, so I swing my legs over the side and quietly get into her room.
“Hudson?” Lily’s voice is soft in the darkness.
“I’m here,” I whisper.
I can hear her smiling as she speaks. “I knew you wouldn’t leave me.”
I pull my t-shirt over my head and move over to her bed and sure enough, she’s lying there. The shape of her naked body is outlined by the moonlight.
We make love that night. It’s slow and silent as we consume each other, becoming one with each thrust.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers as she kisses my neck.
“For what?” I ask.
Lily doesn’t say anything else as we both come together in one final orgasm.
I roll off of her and sleep on my back, my eyes close for what seems like hours.
Somewhere during the night, I feel her lips on my cock and I’m hard again. She runs her tongue against the tip and I come again in her mouth.
“I love you so much,” she whispers as she traces my chest with her soft fingers. “But you ruined me, Hudson.”
I don’t say anything. There isn’t anything that I can think of saying to her, because I know it’s true.
When I wake up, I can hear the birds chirping even though it’s still dark outside and there is something warm and wet against my chest.
My eyes snap open as a sharp metallic smell hits my nostrils and I jolt up in bed to find Lily beside me in a white nightgown, her pale arms stained with red.
There’s blood everywhere. My chest, my hands, my legs. I get off the bed immediately and stand back. The panic sits at the back of my throat as I gather my clothes. A blood paper falls to the floor and I grab it. Lily’s handwriting is scrawled across the creamy surface and it’s blotted with red circles.
