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31
Why Do You Lie So Much?
HUDSON
I lay back against the couch, the cocaine dripping down my throat causing a slight burn, but I’m used to it now.
I replay her on top of that building over and over again. Who pushed her? Why was the video sent to me? Obviously, someone hates me and this is their not very subtle message to me.
But who? I rack my brain and nothing comes to mind.Diana, Diana, Diana.
She must have been scared.
I thought she was making the photos up. I thought she was lying. I essentially fucked up again like always.
When did this turn into a game of cat and mouse? I fuck, cheat, lie, manipulate the hell out of everyone, occasionally lose my temper and take risks because I like it. I crave the rush. It’s who I am. But what I don’t like is someone fucking with my life.
My brain is working in slow motion and it feels like it’s going to crash any moment.
Suddenly, there’s a knock on the door. I specifically told Jen not to allow anyone up here. I’m not going to answer the door.
“Hudson.” It’s Parker. “Can you open up?”
Nope.
I stay silent. I really don’t want to answer. She’ll come in here, I’ll probably say something dumb and hurt her, and I probably won’t care unless I need to fuck her. I don’t know if it’s worth it anymore, but at the same time, I want to have a girlfriend, I want to be normal. It’s just that things have a way of getting messed up when it comes to me.
“Hudson.”
I close my eyes shut.Go away, Parker.
I always wonder why they put up with me, why they never give up, why they keep trying when I’m clearly a lost cause. And I warn them. I show them I’m not good and that I can’t be stable, but they still come back. It doesn’t matter if they’re raging with anger or begging me to sleep with them, they always come back.
Especially when Parker is angry at me, it really turns me on because I know she’ll make me mad and I’ll want to fuck her at that moment, promise her the world because I know she wants to be mine exclusively, fuck her again and again.
Our anger turns into rough, furious sex. I can imagine her grey eyes hot with tears, her teeth clamped over her bottom lip as I torture her pussy in all the right ways, whether it’s eating her out or filling her with my hardened cock and making her come. And me coming inside of her. The cycle repeats itself.
“I know you’re there.” Her voice wavers, and she pauses. “I need to speak to you and I’m not going until you come out here.”
She’s upset. I can hear it in her voice and it sounds like a problem that I’ll have to do explaining for. Am I ready for that? No, I’m too fucked up. I’m high and thinking of fucking her. I’m not in the mood to have a discussion.
Talking gets us nowhere. We talk and we go back to square one. It’s not my fault she thinks too much into things.
Getting up, I go over to the kitchen and grab a bottle of water from the refrigerator. My throat is slightly dry and my temples are throbbing from exhaustion, so I gulp down half the bottle.
I have to work on my brief, study and do my homework on the best firms in New York City that I can apply to after graduation.
So, I have two options: One, I can let Parker in and we can have a long drawn-out conversation about what I’ve done this time. No doubt I’m the accused in this case.
Or, option two, I can ignore her, go to sleep, and hope to God she goes away before I have to leave in the morning for class.
Option one could mean sex if I play the conversation right. And option two could mean a bigger headache because I ignored her which leads to a bigger wedge between us.
Honest to fuck, I don’t know what I want anymore, so I just drain the rest of the water from the bottle and leave it on the countertop before making my way back to the couch.
I sit and wait for an hour and then two. Naturally, I can wait all night even if she decides to camp out there and I won’t feel a single bit of guilt.
But I have a sudden change of heart and open the door to find Parker sleeping up with her back against the wall and her hands tightened around a large brown envelope that appears slightly crumpled from a lot of opening and closing.
