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40
I Missed You
PARKER
“You’re doing it again,” June says snapping me out of my daydream.
“What?”
“Spacing out. Is the manuscript that boring?” Her round-frame reading glasses sit on the bridge of her nose and she momentarily reminds me of a short old lady with spunk.
“No, it’s good. It’s about werewolves,” I mumble.
She scrunches her nose. “Oh no. Let me guess, is the main guy an Alpha named Xavier with an eight pack, smooth ass, and dominance issues?”
I smile sheepishly. “You guessed right.”
“I gave those a chance, but never again.” She shivers as if from a bad experience. “I don’t know why these authors think it’s okay to allow abuse because it’s a freaking werewolf novel. I swear to God, I hope we get the opportunity to read work only solicited through agents in the future.”
“That would mean less junk, although it’ll be tough for the other great authors out there,” I say, closing my MacBook shut.
I yawn. I feel really tired, especially since I’m pulling in extra hours since Lex still hasn’t found a job. It’s getting slightly ridiculous, considering, I have classes to attend and this is just an internship.
“It’s a tough world,” June tells me as she finishes the last few bites of her spicy hard shell taco that we had gotten for lunch at a Taco Bell a block away from Gulliver Books.
I couldn’t agree more. It’s been about three days since I’ve been to Dr. Vera Callahan and since I’ve last seen Hudson. Something inside of me cracked and there’s only a matter of time before it shatters.
With regards to what Vera had told me, I exist in limbo with Hudson. I’m not sure what to do or what to feel and her last few words cut into me each time, melting with my dark thoughts.
He can’t really love you. He can’t really love me. He’s a sociopath. He can’t feel any emotions. It’s not his fault. It’s a game. I’m a game. Is everything a lie? What am I going to do?
What I do feel is that I’m slowly losing my sanity. Am I that easy, that delusional? I knew there was something wrong, but I just didn’t want to accept it before.
Too fucking late now. I mean you’re falling in love with him each time he fucks you and breaths hotly into your ear as he comes inside of you that he “loves you”. You believe him every single Goddamn time he swears he’s not fucking anyone else. He doesn’t LOVE YOU, Parker. I think it’s time to pull the rug from under your feet! Inhale the burn of reality. You allowed this to happen. You’re pathetic because you just want attention. You never got it from mommy and daddy, so now you want Hudson and it doesn’t even matter if he’s slowly destroying you.
“Parker?”
I glance up at June, my head swimming with a new headache as I turn off my thoughts.
“I’m sorry. I just didn’t sleep enough last night,” I say.
June grins. “So, who’s keeping you up at night?”
“Jane Eyre. It’s for class,” I lie. I read the book ahead of time. The real reason is that I’m waiting for Hudson to call.
He hasn’t called me all these days. He always calls. I stare at my phone at 3 a.m. watching him post status after status on Instagram at various parties in Manhattan. What is up with him?
And then I did the unthinkable and started searching up real-life relationship stories with sociopaths and the results weren’t in my favor.
I prayed for different answers, yet the bitter truth stared me in the face. Narcissistic, good in bed, pathological liar, manipulative. Cheater. Charming.
And then I got sick and puked all my dinner in the toilet, my stomach tightening as I clutched the toilet seat so tightly that my knuckles turned white. I choked expecting more to come out, but there was nothing more. Just tears and frustration.
“So there’s no guy? I think you’re trying to hide him. Is he a hottie?” June pries and I usually don’t mind, but if it’s about Hudson, I don’t want to talk about it.
“I don’t want to talk about my dating life right now, J,” I say in the nicest way possible so that I don’t sound like a total bitch right now.
Her face goes pink. “Oh no. I’m sorry. Sometimes, I don’t know how to keep within the boundary and I talk unnecessarily.”
