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13
The realizationI loved the commander hit me. How could it be love when I didn’t know what love was? I’d never experienced it.
But that would explain how I felt. I’d learned about love. Watched videos about it. I’d also seen it in Sebastian’s face and actions.
Love explained why I mourned his loss. Perhaps that was why I kept getting sick. I tried drinking something Brunna claimed was water. It appeared gray and had a bitter taste to it.
My stomach expelled it immediately. Brunna proved gentler than expected, rubbing my back.
“There, there, little girl. It will get easier.”
“What will?” I asked, sitting gingerly, my mouth sour.
“The pregnancy. First trimester hits hard in some.”
It took me a second to figure out what she’d meant. “You think I’m breeding?”
“Aren’t you?”
“I don’t know.” Surely it was too soon. But then again, I’d done the act. I put my hand on my stomach, where I now knew a baby would grow if indeed I was pregnant. Could it be?
Did it matter? It changed nothing. Sebastian didn’t want me.
Silas returned jubilant and laden with bottles, which he handed out, keeping one for himself. He dangled it in front of me. “None for you. Pregnant women aren’t allowed alcohol.”
“I am breeding for sure?” I asked.
“Yup. Thought I’d have a hard time accessing your medical records, but it turns out it wasn’t needed. The commander flipped when the news came that his pregnant breeder was killed in a terrorist attack.”
“He thinks I’m dead.” The words emerged dully.
“Not anymore. An anonymous message let him know that you and his child are alive and well.”
I cast him a sharp glance. “Why would you tell him that?”
“Because you’re how we’re going to get close to him.”
“To do what?”
Silas took a swig from his bottle before declaring, “Kill him.”
“No.” I hadn’t even realized I’d said it aloud until Silas barked, “What do you mean no?”
“I won’t help you kill him.”
“You don’t have to do a thing. I’ll wield the gun. You’re just the bait to get him where I want him.”
Not so long ago, I wouldn’t have understood. “I won’t let you use me as a lure.”
“Why are you protecting him? He put you in a cell. He was going to let you rot.”
“I left him no choice when I betrayed him.”
He sneered. “He’s the commander. He didn’t have to imprison you. The man who oversees the upholding of laws can change them.”
Even I understood the dilemma if Sebastian made an exception. “What makes you think he cares that I’m breeding?”
“Because he was in the prison, along with the work crews, digging through the rubble to look for your body.” Silas uttered the claim with disdain, whereas my heart stilled.
