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15
I lostthe fight to remain free. Heavier, and meaner, Silas subdued me easily. He bound my wrists together in front of me and then thrust a rag into my mouth and tied a cloth over it to keep it in place. Not exactly ideal, but in better news, at least Silas appeared to no longer have any interest in touching me.
Rape. A concept I’d not truly grasped until it almost happened to me. It made me think of Brunna, inseminated against her will. Not exactly rape, but a violation nonetheless.
I stumbled by Silas’s side, gross and smelly in the grimy yellow coveralls. Hungry too. Not that eating would help, given the way I kept throwing up. Brunna seemed to think it normal, given my supposed condition. I’d not actually studied that aspect of human biology. The whole idea of shoving something out of my vulva—finger exploration had revealed it to be not that big of an opening—troubled me deeply. Sebastian stretched me when we had sex, and that appeared to cause no lasting harm. But a baby would be much larger. What would that do to my body? How enlarged would my vulva end up? Would it be like elastic and snap back?
I really wished I’d learned more when I had the chance. At the time, I’d been more curious about human relationships and understanding affection. Which led to my intrigue with sex. Seeing the act had heated my cheeks, wetted my nether lips and fired my blood. Doing it, though… The videos didn’t do it justice.
Would I ever experience that pleasure again? And would it be with Sebastian?
I wanted to do that with him and only him. No one else I’d met made my heart flutter. He captivated me. I enjoyed his presence, his gentleness with me. How he’d shielded me with his body when the zoo was bombed. The way he held my hand. Danced with me. Kissed.
Sebastian had made me happy, and I had no desire to help Silas, even if unwillingly, trap him. But what else could I do?
If I did nothing, Silas would kill Sebastian, and I’d be stuck with a violent terrorist. If I acted and failed, Silas would definitely hurt me. If I succeeded in stopping Silas, Sebastian as commander would have to obey his laws, meaning as accomplice to the terrorist, I’d be sent away. I’d lose my baby. I wouldn’t be free.
It angered me to know I’d be blamed when the reason I’d fallen for Silas’ lies was because I’d not understood anything at the time. Because I’d been misled my entire life.
Why did I have to be the one to suffer? It especially bothered me that I was about to be sacrificed in a conflict that I’d not asked to be part of. There had to be a way out of this untenable situation.
We traveled for what seemed like hours in the sewers—just ask my slime-covered, tired feet—before climbing a ladder to a sealed hatch. Silas knocked. Twice. Pause. Once. Pause. Then delivered three rapid taps.
With a clang and a creak, the hatch swung open, and a woman in yellow peered down. “Quickly,” she said. “I’m not working with my usual partner today, and given I know they’re a loyalist, we can’t have you seen.”
We emerged into a room of machinery, many pipes and humming engines all around. This was what they called a utility room, where the equipment was housed that controlled a building’s electricity and other amenities that provided comfort to the inhabitants. I’d worked in small ones similar to this one and a few much larger versions in the Caves. At the time, I’d been too lethargic to wonder what the machines powered. Now, I knew. These utility spaces were about making the surface more comfortable for its privileged citizens.
“So good to see you. It’s been much too long, Fiona,” Silas said to the woman who’d admitted us as he heaved the hatch shut.
Fiona appeared more interested in me than his greeting. “Who is she? Why is she bound and gagged?”
My hope for sympathy evaporated under her glare.
Silas shoved me in her direction. “You are looking at the key to getting control of the city.”
“Her?” Fiona didn’t hide her incredulity, then her gaze narrowed. “Wait. I’ve seen her face. She’s the commander’s breeder. The one who escaped prison.”
“I know.” Silas’s smug reply.
“Everyone is looking for her, and here she is in your custody.” Fiona’s admiration sickened me. “You planning to eviscerate her publicly to draw attention to the cause?”
“That would be shortsighted. I have a better use for her.”
Fiona licked her lips. “What are you going to use her for?”
“You’ll see.” He winked. “Is apartment 1-B still vacant?”
“Yup.” Fiona nodded. “We’re still waiting on parts to fix the food dispenser. Funny how we kept getting the wrong items.” Her sly smile indicated that hadn’t happened by accident. “There’s clothes in the closet, although nothing in her size.”
“I’m sure whatever you managed to get will be fine. You are always thinking ahead, Fiona. What would I do without you?” Silas held her hand and offered a smile that had the other woman blushing and ducking her head.
He could be charming when he wanted. Not that it would matter with me anymore. I’d seen the ugly underneath.
We left Fiona and soon were in an apartment much smaller and less lavish than the commander’s. At the same time, more than I’d ever had in the Caves.
I glanced around with curiosity. A sofa that could handle at least two people. A table with two chairs. A doorway through which I saw a bed. A small kitchen area.
He pulled the gag from my mouth, but left my hands bound.
