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“Maybe you shouldn’t rush into this,” Bryony says from the kitchen.
“You can come with us, if you want,” Misha says.
She shakes her head. “I can’t, I have work,” she says. “But if you give me a couple of days, I can get some PTO and…”
“No,” I say. “It’s okay. I can handle this. Just give me a few minutes.”
I walk into my bedroom, take my phone out of my bag, and call the number that Malon gave me when I went to the crisis center. I expect that this will be an operator—I just need to talk this through with someone who doesn’t know me—but it’s him who answers.
“Hello?”
“Hi,” I say. “I’m so sorry, I know it’s late, I didn’t mean to bother you.”
“Trine. You’re not bothering me,” he says. “I gave you my number for a reason. What’s up?”
“I think I’m about to do something really stupid.”
He considers that for a beat. “You’re not going to hurt yourself, are you?”
“No,” I say. “Nothing like that. I’m just about to take on something that could be hard and painful, and I don’t want to do it. And I might not be able to make our session next week.”
“I understand. We can speak on the phone, if you want, or we can do a video call,” he says. “Whatever you need. I will ask you to do one thing for me, okay?”
“Okay,” I say. “What?”
“Keep a dream journal,” he says. “I really want to see what your dreams are like when you get more stressed. I think it’s going to help me out a lot.”
“Okay,” I reply. “And you don’t think this is a bad idea?”
“Not really my place to say,” he replies, dropping his voice to a whisper. “But remember, Trine…sometimes, the only way out is through. No matter how scared you are.”
My eyes widen. I’m about to say something to him, but he hangs up, and I’m left staring at my phone for a few seconds until I tell myself that I need to go back out there.
He’s right. I need to do this. And if I’m going to do this, then I’m glad it’s with them.
At least I have my exorcists with me. As hard as things are, at least we’re sticking together.
And even though I’m fucking terrified—because I don’t think I’ve ever been so scared—I believe I might be able to make it out of this.
As long as the four of us stick together, maybe everything will be okay.
